Impact of emotional abuse

[Tired of this]

I’m trying to leave an emotionally abusive relationship and very slowly making progress. The situation has been going on for years, made worse by lockdown but the impact on our children is worrying me and my own mental health. I am constantly being called disgusting, a neglectful mother, useless. Being shouted at all day long and it’s my fault because I make him shout. I have also realised I have got into a pattern of emotional spending – buying things to make me feel nice and not the disgusting person he says I am. Has anyone else experienced this?

[Mellow]

Yes I have got into this habit but more so recently because I realised everything I have has gone into him and I need to love myself perhaps you do to.it’s my way of taking control back if he dosent like long boots I’ll buy a pair if he dosent think I wear enough perfume I’ll buy it anything which makes sense at the time for taking control back and making a good version of me .to me it’s taking back control

[Ariel]

Yes! This is a new habit for me. In my last long term relationship I didn’t have access to money and wasn’t allowed to work but now I work. This time round when things aren’t great I spend, I buy myself loads of makeup which I rarely wear anyway. Gym clothes and bikinis which I’ve not worn any of the bikinis. And skin products!x part of it is because now I can spend money and part of it is because this relationship has been so up and down.

[Bananaboat]

Yes. I could open my own supermarket my cupboards are so full but for me it’s like a coping strategy and something I can control. I guess my mind thinks as long as we have food and roof over our heads we’re ok. Ialso had all that verbal abuse regularly called disgusting, I smell, I can’t do anything, I’m a bad mother etc, it’s so draining and you start to believe it. I’m not fully out yet, part way and I’m currently seeing the cycle of abuse on a daily basis from him as he loses control of me, but reason for saying is that I realise I’m not all those horrible things, I’m stronger than ever and boy is it nice to not be the c word multiple times a day xx

[Anonymous]

Yes , I spend to make myself feel better or something to look forward to . I’ve even taken to controlling what I eat . I worry about the impact on my children . Wish I had a crystal ball 🙁

[Newgirl]

Thank you for speaking out! You are not any of those things that he is saying at all this is their way to put you down. I too am trying to leave an relationship and the emotions are so hard. I used to get parcels not always for me but I liked that feeling however now I’m on a debt plan. It’s such a hard situation but we will get there x

[Tired of this]

Thank you for your comments. I have also spent far more on family holidays and children’s activities and clothes and I am now in significant debt from this. I have started working through this but feel angry that all the shouting and criticism have got me in such a situation. I definitely feel the two are linked and my husband likes creating a sense of chaos and confusion within me. I just want to live a calm life.

[Author]

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