Implementing boundaries with a child arrangement

[Agile-Kiwi]

Me and my ex have a young child, I am struggling at the moment with trying to implement boundaries, as he just ignores them, and does not listen. He claims that I am trying to control him, and am stopping him from seeing our child.

A bit of context, he insists on seeing our child at my flat, he does overnight stays so that he can do the night feeds, and this is getting too much for me now. He says that he does not have anywhere where he can have her. I have allowed this as I thought it better our child spend time with him, but I am starting to realise that his presence around me is delaying me from healing and moving on.

I have tried mediation, he didn’t turn up, and am scared about going to court as I do not know how he will react. I am just a bit lost at the moment, I am sitting in the bedroom as he is in the front room because I do not want to be around him, and he refuses to leave.

He told me (detail removed by Moderator) that he wasn’t going to work and would be staying past (detail removed by Moderator), so I have had to cancel my morning plans.

I feel so lost and helpless and am finding it hard to fathom how I found myself here.

[Lisa]

Hi Agile-Kiwi,

Thank you for sharing with us about what you are going through. It is understandable you are finding it stressful as he continues to push the boundaries in your home. Unfortunately it is common for abusive people to use child contact as a way of maintaining control over a relationship after it has ended.

Have you explored legal advice regarding your options and rights for child contact? It can feel overwhelming and daunting but knowing your options may help. The Coram Children’s Legal Centre provide free legal resources with advice and information on all aspects of family, child and education law, including relationship breakdown; parental disputes, duties of children’s services; child protection. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480 (10am-4pm, Mon-Fri) and through their webchat service (8:30am-5:30pm Mon-Fri) here.

Do you have contact with your local domestic abuse service? They can often offer ongoing emotional and practical support with everything you are going through. You can find your local service here.

Keep posting to us when you can, there is support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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