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    • #6132

      Hi I have got myself into a situation and I don’t know what to do. I left my abusive husband for the second time earlier this year. He was incredibly controlling, manipulative and made my life a daily hell. We have children together which has made ‘no contact’ very difficult. Since the split, we have had nearly daily contact as he looks after our youngest whilst I’m at work. He has always made it clear that he wants us to give it one more try. He promises he will change and can see where he has gone wrong. Against my better judgement, he has managed to convince me to stay over the odd weekend with the children. To be honest we usually end up arguing and he blames it on the fact that we’ve missed one another. Last week he got on his high horse and said that he wanted an answer before Christmas as to whether I would give us another try. It all came to a head and he demanded an answer. I told him I was struggling to let the past go and that I didn’t want to give it another try. This all happened in front of the children. He told them he was sorry, but Mummy didn’t love him anymore and that was that. The children were both crying as I put them in the car to leave. He then followed my out, begging and pleading to go back inside. By this time the children are screaming inside the car. My son is rocking in the front seat. And so I backed down and we went inside.

      He know thinks that we are going to give it another try and that I should tell my friends and family and stop living a lie. My family and friends will be devastated if I go back and I know I will be living a lie. I honestly don’t beleive he can change, especially without seeking help. I now feel trapped. Christmas is fast approaching and I am crippled with indecision. We have a nice little house of our own but yet I can’t seem to find the strength to tell him how I really feel and move us back into our own house. I feel this is all my fault as I have let him weed his way back in. Don’t know if Christmas is the problem and I don’t want to spoilt it for the children from the upset that will occur if I tell him. I am driving myself mad with worry x

    • #6149
      lover of no contact


      Just wanted to show some support as I feel for you and your situation. Its impossible dealing with an abuser and we want to protect our children so much. Its good you are getting your supports in place such as reading the posts on here and sharing your thoughts and feelings.

      You have been so courageous and brave to have left your abuser twice this year. Have hope, you will manage to leave again. Meanwhile, a day at a time , work on strengthening yourself to leave again, get your supports in place, family (if they are understanding), this Forum, ring Women’s Aid. See if you can get hold of Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘Why does he do that?’

      You will get there to live a life free of abuse. It just takes time. Most ladies/men go back a good few times before leaving for good. Leaving is a process. You are well on your way. This is just a set-back which was very hard to avoid when you saw your children so distressed (from his behaviour).

    • #6156

      I too just want to show some support and agree with lover of no contact. You will get there stay strong sending love xx

    • #6176

      Thank you for your kind words. It should be easier to leave as I’ve done it before and know i can. I just still having nagging doubts about financial security, managing on my ownand letting the children down. He has said that if I call it a day he won’t see the kids because it’ll be too hard seeing them but not having me. Can I put them through that? X

    • #6178

      I understand what you are going through. No contact is so hard particularly when you have children. Not knowing whether or not they are better off with or without their father. We tie ourselves up in knots.

      I think this dilemma is common, from what I am learning. Give yourself compassion. Self parent. These things are so difficult.


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