In denial, maybe

[Darknessallaround]

Does anyone else feel after reading some of the terrible things others here go through, that their own situation is just trivial and really not worth complaining about? I do.

I know we shouldn’t compare, because it’s how the behaviour makes us feel that counts. Still I can’t help thinking that if it was physical abuse rather than emotional/psychological abuse, leaving would be more justified… if that makes any sense.

I know that a person being unwell, having health problems doesn’t make them abusive, but isn’t it a mitigating factor?

I suppose I’m still making allowances for his behaviour, still trying to tell myself it’s not that bad really. Maybe because that’s the only way I can cope with it.

[Mime]

I think I know what you mean – because he doesn’t hit you, you ask yourself – is it that bad? Am I imagining it ? Others (real victims/ survivors) have it worse than me.

I’ve been hit, I’ve been bitten and strangled and had my eyes blacked and my ribs broken (in previous relationships). I’m in a relationship now where my partner hasn’t hit me, but his psychological torment is unbearable. I can tell you, for sure, this is far far worse. I’d rather be hit anyday and I really mean that – I’m sorry but I would. This really is worse – I’ve had both and in comparison the physical pain was easy. Compared to the psychological pain my current partner seems to enjoy inflicting, the physical pain I had before was not as bad, it was almost a relief (in comparison).

Im sorry if I upset / offend anyone by saying that, but its true for my experience. At least, when my ex’s were violent, you knew where you stood – they hit me, and they were wrong to do that, no matter what. It was easy to understand in that sense. Psychological abuse it crazy making and it makes you the enemy of yourself. Because you blame yourself and doubt yourself more than you ever do when the abuse is physical (in my experience at least, I’m not speaking for everyone).

And no, being unwell isn’t a mitigating factor – not even a little bit. Not at all.

[Eggshells]

All types of abuse have the same impact- they make their victims feel afraid, confused and alone. Different types of abuse are simply different roads to the same end – control. I think it is impossible to say that any one type of abuse is worse than another type. Abuse us damaging, full stop.

I’ve seen alot of posts like this on the forum and I’ve often thought that my abuse wasn’t so bad compared to others.

Getting out of the relationship gave me clarity.

I think alot of ladies minimise their abuse whilst in a relationship; we normalise and minimise it in our minds to help us survive it.

We all have different stories to tell but actually, in the end, we’re all telling the same story, the details may be different but the story is the same.

If you can find a post called “This is my abuser” you can read lots of our experiences and see that abuse without violence is just as horrendous an experience as abuse with violence.

There are no mitigating circumstances for abuse and you deserve better. xx

[Eyesopening]

I definitely know what you mean.
I’m still doubting myself at times. Especially when I read for example- Why does he do that.
The examples were too extreme for me.
Which kind of just makes you think, well he does not do that so he must be ok.
But really he is just be doing things very discreetly, for the same end goal.

Someone said to me on here. He’s not hitting you but he’s hitting you with his words. Which really made alot of sense to me.

Lottieblue, how long did it take you after you left to get clarity?

Xx

[Bananaboat]

I know what you mean, I find myself excusing the behaviour as he’s tired, had bad day etc etc but none of that makes it ok. Reading ‘why does he do that’ the one example that really struck me was the man delaying going to a party and how the whole family acted, I live that and had never even considered it as an example, but it is as he’s controlling us all. My experience has slowly but surely escalated and there have now been two physical incidents. As someone said at least with the physical you have bruises/scars, the emotional feels harder to prove, but is no less destructive or wrong!! You deserve better, we all do.x

[Author]

Posts