In that place again

[Arky123]

After years of getting over that place of being suicidal and I thought I wouldn’t be there again

he has made me in that place again. It’s scary when I had everything under control I thought I would never be here.  But he is clever and made me feel like this again. I cannot confront him he will never have a adult serious conversation I’m just accused of starting an argument . Only me and him know what goes on. He speaks to me like s**t. I cannot have a personality infront of him. And he just humiliated me in front of a lot of people in the last week.  I’ve always wanted to keep under wraps how he treats me always hidden it. But he exposed himself. But I feel sick and embarrassed he has done that I shrivelled up like a ball. I didn’t make a scene. It was so humiliating

I just cannot.

[Better-days]

Aw Arky123 I have been in your position it’s absolutely awful. I’m still with my partner too and going anywhere with him has my anxiety through the roof never knowing how he will treat me or what mood he will be in. I am dreading Christmas at my family I end up sitting with the kids in another room most of time as it’s too much. Please know that he is the one who should feel humiliated and not you. I know how hard it is when you feel like there is no way out but there always is. There is help on this forum or local authorities can help. reach out when u can and know that u are not alone x*x

[Arky123]

Hey better-days,

what are we suppose to do

one minute im happy the next im Scared to death of what will happen next as I can feel the mood change. I never planned my life out to be this way.  I went through the worst as a teenager  and I was always strong through that. It’s this person that has got me to feel this way. I  could have been on the streets and  on drugs the past but I never went down that road !!!   I was a young mum with this person and had he’s kids and he makes me scared to do anything. When I was young teenager I was never suicidal never crossed my mind!!
But being with him it’s crossed my mind many of times. (removed by Moderator)! I can’t talk to anyone. I just can’t. I stopped talking to my two best friends at  that time before. So now I have no friends.
I did it because I could nt cope of people knowing how I feel. I know anyone else who was in this relationship would say it was wrong. And I can’t hear it.
I’m lonely now. I regret it
that’s why I know I wouldn’t be missed

[Lightwunderkind20]

Hi Arky123

I’m new to this forum having recently left a controlling relationship. I don’t really feel that I’m in the best place to offer advice as I still find myself doubting whether or not the relationship was ‘abusive’. But I’m finding strength on this site and in books and other sources.

 

I was struck by your comment that you wouldn’t be missed- you would be. You are feeling lonely because that is how he wants you to feel.

Please reach out- reach out to anyone! On here, a relative, the Samaritans, your GP- anyone at all.

It is so hard, I feel your pain in your words, but please reach out

[Chocolatebunnie]

Hey there Arky123

firstly here’s a big hug to you, and guess what I know where you’re at 🥰

I can’t talk to people about my situation either which is why this forum with so many kind lovely people is so important and you are part of that. We are all here for you and you are not alone.

secondly I highly suggest a phone call to Samaritans they helped me, just letting it out telling someone really lightens the loads, no judgement just a kind person to talk to.

thirdly, try to reach out to your local women’s aid again, no pressure it’s someone to support you, can offer help if you want but there’s no pressure just someone kind to listen

Please try your GP for support too, you ate important and you matter,  I felt I couldn’t do it, I was so frightened to seek help. I just asked for counselling I didn’t say why but you can self refer online too.

I have had help, counselling through GP and support from local WA who I’ve been back and fourth with over the last few years just talking it through and I went on a course too.

I’m still in my marriage, like you from a young age. It’s all I know. But with help I manage better, except less of his bad behaviour and he has now not been as bad thankfully.

Each situation is different, you will find your way through this wether it’s you leave, you stay and support is there whatever you decide.

you are not alone 🥰

Here for you CB X

[Author]

Posts