In the media – confronting myself

[AderynDu]

Feeling a lot come up for me with everything happening right now in the media – so I wrote this poem and I wanted to share it somewhere, this felt like the safest place to do that;
Confronting myself

As I sit here and witness the power of women voicing their fears
Calling men out on the many shed tears
Hidden behind closed doors
Suffered alone
I confront my own story of shame in my home
The times I suffered in silence from abuse
The times I suffered my body’s misuse
The times I said clearly No
But had my words twisted and was made to feel so low
As to allow for you to treat me so
That to respect myself was to reject you
You almost convinced me that this was true
When we should all be able to make that choice
And not be made to feel that we have no voice
That my body is sacred and deserves respect
That my pain is real
That you shouldn’t deflect
From the truth of what happened and the ripples it caused
So I sit and I give myself pause
To let go of my grief and my shame
To give these feelings a name
Yes, I loved you. That love was real
But so is this pain and the way that I feel
When I think of all the times I asked for your care and all the times that it was never there
And now you ask for my assurance that this was not so
Well I’m sorry but the answer is no
I’m drawing a line and this time I’ll hold
Because we can all change and I choose to be bold
And stand for my myself, stand for my body, stand for my daughter and stand for respect
And no, we are not there yet
But we can all fight to lesson the threat
To teach new ways
To educate ourselves
To name it
To feel it
And eventually
To heal it

It’s so hard when these feelings are sparked and I want to shout and scream of my pain but feel so pressured by the need to protect myself, my family and also protect him to some extent which feels like a bad joke. So here is my scream and I hope to feel better for it.

[Lisa]

Hi AderynDu,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be with others who understand how you are feeling.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Do keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Lifeinterrupted]

Thank you so much for posting this, AderynDu.

The recent news and subsequent debate has brought up a lot of strong emotions for me, too; and a need to better honour my experiences and my story. I feel like anger and frustration is bubbling up…I totally get that sense of wanting to scream.

Thank you for writing so beautifully what I am sure many of us are feeling x

[ISOPeace]

That’s really beautiful AderynDu, thank you for sharing. Xxxx

[Author]

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