Inappropriate feelings?

[freedomtochoose]

Hello there ladies,

I have been out of abusive marriage for more than (Detail removed by Moderator) years. Had other relationship then which in some ways was strangely healing as at that point I kind of never believed it would ever happen again and as painful as it was at times seemed to give me a chance to ‘practice’ my boundaries, and it was also physical, iykwim – which my entire marriage was not. if anyone out there has any idea what I mean.

I’ve been out of last relationship for (Detail removed by Moderator). Although we still have both (Detail removed by Moderator) spaces separately and I see this person on that basis, and actually would like to keep them as a friend (person A.)

At the moment I have the feeling I need to stop and consider how I relate to people in relationships and so I’m not looking. Im not sure how I relate to intimacy and I feel as if I need some time to work this out.

However, I’ve got into a situation where I’ve been coordinating with someone around the anti-social behaviour that has been around in our area, and I’ve got quite close to them. (lets call them person B) If I’m really honest I think they are a completely lovely person but it has come as quite a shock for me that I have these feelings for them. I have remained completely professional and not said anything to them, but focussed on the tasks at hand. I can’t go into any more detail as it would be identifiable.

I’m feeling really lost with these feelings and also tbh a bit stupid somehow. Anyways over the past few weeks Person A has accused me of ‘being secretly in love with the person B’. I’m thinking maybe I am. And then maybe if I am what is wrong with feeling like that, if I think they are a lovely person.

I’m also when I think about it not feeling as if I have anything to offer anyone in a relationship anyway. Which I feel stupid about too, as obviously I do, but I’m not feeling it right now.

Maybe generally because having a teenager is demanding at times emotionally and all my energy seems to go into that.

Anyone make sense of any of that? I’m trying to work out how much of this is the aftermath of trauma, i.e. having strong feelings for a decent person, just because they are decent….?

thanks
ftc
x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi ftc, I don’t believe there is such thing as inappropriate feelings.
Just feel your feelings but safely? Meaning feel whatever you feel for that person that is decent and ask yourself what do you like about him so much? Without sharing it with him. Would you like the same traits in a girl as well? Maybe that way you can differentiate a little which of your feelings are the one that make you ‘fall in love’ and which ones do you just appreciate in a person. Take a step back, observe your feeling rather then act on it until you know yourself a little better and stay safe.
Big hug to you.

[freedomtochoose]

thank you thank you so much hopelifejoy that is so helpful
all best
ftc
x

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