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    • #111381
      stepping stone
      Participant

      Hi I am not new, but never shared my story. Only been commenting. Also all my accounts has been hacked for years, had doubts but know for sure now. Been married (detail removed by moderator)now. But for yrs right after the birth of my eldest everything folded and I was too naive to see trends until later on. My husband started always spend lots of time online playing games and chatting. There has been multiple affairs which I have questioned him about, he told me I was paranoid and then told all my friends that I had PSTD, only found out years later… Very surprised because I had remained a very active person ful of energy but cut, he started demanding privacy… The game room became his bedroom for many years now… He would tell me I was crazy, his mum told me I was too innocent and believed in fairy tales. I just ignored them and continue to work and study even though I had nearly no money left as he was controlling it all. I read a lot and started to eqequip myself recognising the abuse. Had tried to leave as well the caught me kick me in the stomach, called the police. They gave me time to leave the property whilst he was locked up for a couple of hrs. Unfortunately, I came back weeks later to be with my son, he took him and would not return him, I stayed in hotels and he took all the money. I realised I was not prepared enough and went back expecting the same, when the asked me back. On return he hated me leaving my son with him whilst out and told later apperently spank him, threatening that if he said a word thehe would not see me again…..my poor child just just crumbled when his outburst started. I then started the avoiding strategy, we would go see friends, go on day outs etc but when back he would confiscate cameras and phones and download everything on his computer…. I started taking control of my own finances didge join account and made life fun for us. So we lead different lives until we had visitors and he parented to be the loving father and husband. But other times it would be a battle to get him out for family times. Also he left us for many summers going to his home country. My mum got suspicious she came to stay and realised what was happening, with strong Christian believes she convinced me to give my husband a second chance and try again. This was after he messaged my boss accusing him of having an affair with me.. (he was my dad’s age) because he found one text messages saying (detail removed by moderator)…. We had already stopped going on holiday together the only place he wanted to go was his mums house… No entertainment there… And parties at friends… Who tried to sleep with me and when I told me he accused me of being paranoid… I found out his parents too was in an open marriage when (detail removed by moderator).. Infront of my husband (then only a boy, he was adopted).I refuse to visit there but he kept going back alone… With with his mum not home which made no sense…. But I knew something was not right…But I has since graduated for my (detail removed by moderator)…which took him by surprise… And suddenly he became the man I fell in love with…
      ..i was much stronger established good circles of new friends… Still done old one who has been left confused.. But then I soften my heart… With my mother’s plea and my inlaw.. We came in timid again after (detail removed by moderator) later found out I was pregnant… What a fool I have been…..i was left abandoned again… And the old cycle started… Desperate to survive I literally am just surviving kids, work and further studies I now sleep only 4hrs maybe a night he refuses to do anything…. I realised getting me pregnant was a trap after he told me (detail removed by moderator) that my PhD was a waste of time and I am starting to sound too important he started studying in a rush too to complete his (detail removed by moderator)… Things has not gone his way.. My son is older had told me everything and had not left him alone with Dad for many years now which meant lots of childcare but he was a happy child. But he told me during lockdown.. He hated his dad, and started calling him by name.. recorded thus by accident because we (detail removed by moderator) had dad for never having time for him even during lock down. I had to work study and look after the kids…. .. (detail removed by moderator) Years later I found out he had been and is still involved with his ex girlfriend which was supposedly only his friends wife….and conveniently also just got divorce they have been meeting up… (detail removed by moderator) and she lives just (detail removed by moderator) from his mum….But more and more came to light with my patience and gathering evidence. He forge my signature for the Mortgage renewal and claimed tax credits via my signature When I confronted him (detail removed by moderator) he simply called me crazy then convinced her to delete as her Facebook friend as I might harass her.He also took my house keys when left in the kitchen, so Although it felt I was so strong it still felt life a knife….. I told him things had gone too far a divorce was needed I could not held in no longer .. Had a migraine for two days now and I just cannot get myself to sleep… I am a bit confused and exhausted for the first in many years I am feeling drained.Also reported the incident about claiming tax credits and spoke to a lawyer briefly.who us suggesting a occupational upation order for now .. My friend warned me that when things escalate I will be tired… Never imagined it will be so hard. He says he does not want a divorce but if I insist he wants the house and 50/50 custody… That is just spiteful because he never spent anytime with the kids and my son just want to get rid of him…
      My local pastor suggested counselling for us both and but I am tired now…. …

    • #111382
      stepping stone
      Participant

      I am soooo sorry for the long text but needed to get things of my chest and start planning thinking clearly again… Really would appreciate your advice.

    • #111385
      stepping stone
      Participant

      I am soooo sorry for the long text but needed to get things of my chest and start planning thinking clearly again… Really would appreciate your advice and positive thoughts.

      • #111417
        Helphelphelp
        Participant

        Hi Stepping stone

        I had a quick read, take each day at a time, rest when you can, it’s all so exhausting I know. And hard to remain strong, but you are doing really well so don’t give up getting your life back, it is hard and you do wonder your get through it but look at all you’ve been through and your still going, tired yes but as strong as you’ve always been. If your ready to get out you do it, you are worth a whole lot more than you’ve been getting. Let me know how your getting on and I’ll be thinking of you ok much love xx

      • #111487
        stepping stone
        Participant

        Many thanks HelpHelp, thanks for the support. I had a good meal (detail removed by moderator), got all dressed up and as usual took my for so e footie out… Unfortunately we ..(detail removed by moderator) we left in a hurry. Ex used thus as a way to worm himself back into speaking to us/me. Got my armour coat on…. I am feeling better, he is acting all supa nice… But I am on guard I know he is up to something… Even string along to (detail removed by moderator) with us today. Yep.. Got a friend request from his friend on (detail removed by moderator) to invite us for anniversary (detail removed by moderator)…. He mentions that (detail removed by moderator)….. (I am thinking really) we are separated why holiday together…(thankfully can use covid as excuse) Then he goes to speak to (detail removed by moderator)…. Oh dear Mr Nice guy… My emails are full do going to start blogging… To keep track I think…he helps me with the shopping delivered…. He then casually says (detail removed by moderator)… Just ignored it and left the room pretending not hear….(blocked him since (detail removed by moderator)…. Found a tweet tonight from him saying making a joke about (detail removed by moderator)… (took a screenshot)… I have spent (detail removed by moderator) through old emails highlighting contradictions… Lies…, there is so much..He played games till (detail removed by moderator) this morning… He has now invited me for dinner at a restaurant (gonna use work as an excuse while playing nice) I need my hard drive all the pictures back so need to play nice) gonna sleep now and hope to hear from lawyer later. Fingers cross for all those you amazing women… Remember to exercise and get fresh air help everyone…

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