Hello Arky123,
Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling confused or unsure about the meaning behind some thoughts and impulses you are having at the moment.
Self-harm/self-injury can have a variety of functions for people, whether it’s a form of control, a feeling of release, or a tool for self-punishment, you are best placed to understand where this urge or impulse is coming from.
It might be helpful to speak in confidence about this to someone who will understand and listen. The Self Injury Helpline/text service/webchat could be a good place to start: https://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/
You might also wish to use our AMA with Mind for any questions you have about your mental health: https://survivorsforum.womensaid.org.uk/forums/topic/mental-health-ama/
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa