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    • #42033
      Nova
      Participant

      …literally been up half the night, the stress going round in circles…now have to go to work and seriously feel sick.

      This week has been hellish my counselling stopped I’ve no support, feel back to square one.
      Work is pilling on extra responsibilities and it’s causing me stress beyond belief.
      I’m struggling to keep a brave face on, have still not got the courage to see the solicitor about the property, I am so worried and fearful, it’s ridiculous. I have social things planned and am going to have to cancel, can’t face any of it.

      This is quite a low point for me, I know it’s a wave but atm feels extremely tough. All the regret of ever being involved with him, what he’s taken from me. I feel such a mug to be taken in by him, and give him so much, it’s so frustrating to be hurt so bad by him of all people.

      It’s excruciatingly difficult, and impossible to explain it’s incomprehensible even to me, and I lived it. Am exhausted by all of it, it’s like a nightmare that’s never ending. Just another c**p day

      Sorry to drone on but what a night.

      Cx

    • #42049
      Serenity
      Participant

      I can identify with your post, Cuppa.

      My sleep patterns are all over the place the the moment. I know how it is when your mind is going on a continuous loop, replaying the horror of it. It’s like a constant stream of flashbacks, a reliving of the events.

      Lavender baths, lavender pillows..aromatherapy oils ( I find citrus calming)- a very drops in your bath.

      It sounds as though you still have a need for a counsellor- or a support group of some kind.

      It could be that putting off the solicitor is also causing a build-up of anxiety in you. It’s like the nerves before the jump. Could you make an appointment and maybe go to the initial appointment with a friend for moral support?

      I found once I took action, I felt I was taking my power back. Outing them, fighting for your rights: you’re reasserting yourself as a separate individual.

      My ex thought he was too financially astute and I was too dim by comparison for him to not get away with things- but he didn’t win. By asking for help, advice, you can do it. They aren’t as clever as they think they are. They are all cliches. People have seen their tricks 1,000s times before.

      We’re all here for you, Cuppa.

    • #42052
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks very much Serenity…your right I need to go see the lawyer, I’m worried about the cost and I had to write some things down in preparation, made me feel vulnerable.

      Tbh Im just sick of it all. All of it him the property the whole situ. It’s dragging me back, and I’m so concerned for my son and his wellbeing, I know he’s concerned about me…my ex hasn’t contacted him at all in these past few moths..a real horrible man, nasty ways. We are just easy going kind and considerate ‘normal’ people!

      I find all this such an ordeal …I know I’m not the only one obviously…but on top trying to keep it together and still my habits are the same as when he was here..like the routine and the way I operate, so odd. I don’t feel free at all yet, though I’m pushing forward I’m still fearful, and generally worn out!

      I wish I could turn the clock back…if only and erase him from my life.
      It’s like he’s still taking advantage of me.

      Horrid feeling and uncontrollable in spite of my steely determination!

      Thanks v much again Cx

    • #42060
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks Ladies just re reading a few posts…a few hours ago I was doubting myself …I must say night time I get the terrors most, strange but true, & then there’s no way out. Very frightening.

      I was all consumed and vulnerable questioning my decisions all of them! Thinking what am I doing?
      Almost convinced he’s right…I know I knowwwwwwww!
      ( such a me thing to do…the extra letters of emphasis! LOL)
      Need to get that thought..right out of my head. You know what that’s why
      I used to go back..Shattered like this morning ..I’d think oh whatever…I can’t be doing with this…& just continue…so easy to do & so so much harder to stay away…though what would I go back for? Now I know him and his Jekyll & Hyde

      No..painful as all of this is..I’ll take the insomnia & my integrity.

      Cx

    • #42099
      Dragonfly
      Participant

      Hi Cuppa

      I totally get where you’re coming from. Pretty much my life too. What infuriates me is the added stress of the costs involved seeking legal advice. I’m in (detail removed by Moderator) and get legal aid. All I had to do was pay a one off fee (detail removed by Moderator), show them my payslip and hey presto got legal aid. No matter, taking control and making informed decisions is the way forward. In fact it eventually causes less stress (in time).

      I’m great one for writing lists! Try writing everything you need to do down then prioritise. Take your list of questions to your lawyer. It’ll save time and money.

      Not sleeping is hell. I still get all of that but not as frightening now. Lack of sleep has a massive impact on how we function as you know.

      I think you’re in limbo right now. You got to take charge xx

    • #42102
      Nova
      Participant

      Morning Dragonfly thanks for your post, I need to move forward, though I’m frozen with the fear of the next steps, this imagined anger of him, what he’s saying doing…to get me back, cause me more pain. While he’s quiet I feel safer.

      I just don’t like him still manipulating my decisions. He could have sorted this himself with no cost no hassle involved not months but several years ago.

      Imagine the years of unnecessary stress involved, for me, about a property I thought we had bought…that he was claiming as his own.
      Trapped in that, arguing with the controller…getting no where of course, now I know it has a name its coercive control.

      Goes like this ….
      He says, you give me some money we buy X, together. I’ll get the paperwork sorted.
      Next day, oh yea he says X, now….it’s all mine. Prove it.

      No wonder we have insomnia & stress! ..battling the financial abuse the emotional tied in together. Dragonfly I have sat in winter freezing coz he didn’t give me miney for bills, washing myself from a bucket of hot water, terrified of costs. As I’d lost my main job from the anxiety crisis of being with him, he’s saying why don’t you just retire, ( while he’s stashing his cash big time) them why don’t you just GET A JOB in a fit of rage. I was robbed basically, he’s a theif, my life my money my self esteem the lot.

      21c Britain ..alive and raging against the machine.

      Cuppa X

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