- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 6 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I was listening to an interesting discussion on a famous, celebrated artist on the radio ( who is now dead).
He was a cruel man. He had as many women as paintings, even whilst married. He was even conducting affairs whilst his partner was dying. He ignored certain children he had, and enjoyed driving women to deep pain, even pitting them against one another. He found their distress comical.
One of his female partners stands out as a real inspiration to me. She’s going to be my role model! An artist herself, she managed to continue creating and selling her work, despite the torture he put her through and despite him trying to blacken her name in art circles ( like our abusers, he seemed intent on destroying her after she left him. It seems he couldn’t believe she had; he told her that women didn’t leave men ‘like him’- obviously, the twisted man saw himself as a real catch).
This lady told him that she could leave any time she wanted, and one day she did. She managed to go from strength to strength, by distancing herself from him completely. She ended up marrying a man who was a worthwhile person- he discovered a vaccine that was able to control a virus that killed many in previous generations, and he allowed her space and time alone to work- in fact, she set that as a prerequisite for them marrying!
When asked how she had managed to stay intact, or to survive her ex’s tyranny, she said that her life was ever as uninteresting so as to allow herself to be totally defined or consumed by love.
Her own passions, her own excitement in stretching herself and exploring her own talents, made her want to keep hold of her separate self and own identity.
What an inspiration.
When I separated from my abusive ex, I had a number of older women friends who said to me that I might not see it then, but separating from someone like my ex was the best thing that could have happened. They told me about the wonderful things they’d eventually done, once they’d managed to pick themselves up- things that their ex would never have ‘allowed’ them to do, or that they’d have had the confidence to do whilst with their ex ( as he’d whittled it away).
Hold on to your passions, your dreams, ladies. Strive to make them a reality. Leave those losers far behind. Kick dust in their faces as you turn on your heel. Leave them to their petty little lives- you’ve got bigger fish to fry. You were made for more than abuse. Even just being able to be yourself is wonderful.
-
I agree Serenity I’d forgotten who I was through him. Part of the old me is back the rest may be one day but maybe not, it doesn’t matter
I did feel he stopped me developing and my career slowed as I didn’t take on roles I wanted to and now that opportunity has past but there’s new opportunities instead.
I’ve taken up some new hobbies – things I’d always wanted to do but he didn’t approve of. He often said why do that you’ll not be good at it you’re not even creative…why do you think you’d enjoy that? ( well I’d be away from him for 2 hours a week for one thing!! )
I like the vision of kicking dust in his face
Keep growing, keep living xxxx -
Hi Serenity,
Great post and I think I have worked out which inspirational woman you are talking about because if I am correct, I was reading about the exact same artist just a few days ago and how many think he was a psychopath, pitting women against eachother and enjoying watching them fight. Apparently he even told two of the women he was cheating with to ‘fight it out.’ I will read about the woman I think you are talking about, it would be good to create an Inspirational Women Hall of Fame.
What bothers me is that he is so famous and so lauded and people don’t tend to talk about how vile he was as a person, as if him abusing women was ok because he was a famous artist. So many women who have also achieved great things over the centuries (despite all the restrictions and injustices put on them) are often forgotten. I watched a documentary about the artist Artemesia Gentilleschi who really inspired me, she was totally kick-a*s! She was raped when she was young and had to go through an awful trial and her name was dragged through the mud but she came out of it and ended up with a career as a successful artist during the Baroque period. I also really like Frida Kahlo for similar reasons. It’s great these women are getting the recognition they deserve.
I totally agree about how abusers have an incredible knack of sabotaging our own careers and opportunities. I have been in the process of setting up a business and had a meeting with someone pivotal fairly early on in the relationship with him. The night before he kept me up late and sulked about me leaving to get an early night. I remember being really disappointed in him thinking ‘if this man cared about me, he would have suggested I get an early night and wished me good luck.’ Of course he gaslighted me afterwards saying that he had suggested I get an early night when in fact he’d been trying to get me to stay over at his which could have completely scuppered the meeting. Thankfully I went home and met the person and she is helping me with my business which I continue to work on. It’s my dream to be successfully self employed in my new career which I love. I will share any successes on here to inspire others as I love to read the posts about women who have gone onto lead happy and successful lives post abuse. 🙂
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
