12th May 2016 at 11:29 pm #17153AyannaParticipant
When you met him, did you have instinctive feelings that he was not the right one for split seconds and suppressed them?
I met him in summer and I had the best summer of my life with him. I should have left him then. It would have become a happy memory.
But I did not. Although, after a few months, there was a small incident. I remember it so well. I thought: hold on, this man is not right for you. But I did override this thought, because he was so charming, and I carried on and allowed him to manipulate me.
I never learned to respect my gut feelings. The longer I stayed with him the more I lost my instincts.
I know this now.
12th May 2016 at 11:50 pm #17156SilkyHalideParticipant
I even finished it numerous times because I felt trapped suffocated and powerless but he charmed me into thinking it was my own paranoia pushing a good man away.
12th May 2016 at 11:53 pm #17158SilkyHalideParticipant
I don’t think I lost instincts just trusted them less and less.
13th May 2016 at 6:40 am #17164Peaceful PigParticipant
Definitely, more than split seconds, plus a cold, empty ‘what have I done’ feeling the morning after our wedding. All suppressed and ignored, ‘how could I think such bad things about him?’ I’m learning to listen to me now xx
13th May 2016 at 8:46 am #17173Eve1Participant
Yes! I even finished it with him, but he lured me back in. Didn’t realise that, of course, i was not allowed to finish it.
13th May 2016 at 3:29 pm #17193Bridget Jones Is FreeParticipant
Yes! I hated his looks, he just didn’t fit in the group of friends he was joining and my gut feeling told me he looked weird and strange. He had a weird nasty look, none of the fellow student liked him and it was a set up for me. Nice friends hey? He behaved though, like a true gentleman and he won my …curiosity to find more. I was in a country where I had to learn a new culture so I blocked some gut feelings by thinking I was not used to certain patterns of behaviour when in fact his culture is so similar to mine. The basic human behaviour in courting was the same, but in our case he applied the whirl wind romance and the rest is history…finding my weak points etc.
I kept having more gut feelings and suppressed the lot the more I listened to my upbringing voices (look for a successful person) and how he was himself doing in his life. I had a chance last year to look back at some memories and it was all there, threats, control, violence, sexual behaviour, power, intimidation, jealousy…
13th May 2016 at 6:20 pm #17207AyannaParticipant
It is interesting, that we all sensed the warnings, but did not listen.
Why were we so deaf to our own voices?
Does this have something to do with childhood? In my case I am convinced it has a lot to do with my childhood.
13th May 2016 at 9:38 pm #17226SerenityParticipant
Yes. I didn’t like him at first. But he kept pursuing me, and he also played the pity card. He seemed lost. I thought love could save him. But in fact, he just used the fact he knew I loved him to take advantage.
I didn’t know about red flags then, and I was very idealistic, thinking love could fix anything.
13th May 2016 at 9:45 pm #17230Peaceful PigParticipant
Yes Ayanna, I think a lot of it is down to not having our voices heard as children and lacking self-belief. I also think society socialises women into roles that make us vulnerable such as nurturing others as Serenity says. We are sold a lot of nonsense about ‘love’ xx
13th May 2016 at 10:41 pm #17234HealthyarchiveBlocked
I had a huge red flag early on, i completely ignored it and stuffed my feelings down, he was showing signs of being a conman after me for money, i chose to ignore it as i knew he would never succeed. I should have listened to my instincts as he was no good in the end and I will next time.
13th May 2016 at 11:11 pm #17238Confused123Participant
hi yes, i think we had red flags which we couldnt recognise maybe due to lack of experience, we ignored our gut , wont be doing that again
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