Interim emergency accommodation

[Ohshesbloomin22]

Hi all,

Me again 🙂

My support worker has told me no refuge will accept me due to them not allowing people to use a refuge as a stepping stone whilst waiting for orders to be put in place.

She has said I can ask my council for interim emergency accommodation.

Has anyone been down this route? If so what was it like? Was you sent miles away?

Xxxx

[Twisted Sister]

HI Ohshesbloomin22

I can’t believe this would be right. This is the purpose of refuge…the whole point is to keep you safe, no matter how long you are there?

Emergency accommodation is no substitute for refuge and perhaps you should ask to be referred to her manager?

There may be someone here who can give you a categoric answer, which I can’t, but anything involving your safety is what refuge is for, or so I thought.

The point of going to your council, I thought, was to provide in your area, where you have family ties/work, unless you wanted to go anywhere else, which you could of course, but your council can only place you in their area that they have control of, which could of course be in one of many towns.

I hope someone will have some more definitive answers for you, either on here or via another member of your local service.

warmest wishes

ts

[Ohshesbloomin22]

Hey twisted sister

Thank you so much for replying.

Those were my thoughts exactly I thought refuges were a safe place. But she’s saying she’s asked some refuges and they won’t accept me. And they don’t like people to plan, only in an emergency. But I see on all the help pages, contact a refuge. I’m so confused why would she tell me this?

I’m speaking to her tomorrow so I shall bring this up, I’ll have a word with refuge/ womens aid too . I said to her the reason I want to go to the refuge is for the added support. I don’t want to just be put in emergency housing and just left.

Thanks for your advice I’ll def follow it all up and ask for a second opinion.

Warmest of wishes right back at you

X*x

[Twisted Sister]

just following up on your other point about planning…there are commonly women here planning a refuge, preparing, choosing a day, getting their stuff together… I don’t understand the answers you’re getting.

I hope you get some answers today.

[Ohshesbloomin22]

Hiya,

I spoke to refuge, and they are basically saying the same thing.
They said refuge is a type of emergency accommodation but it is a full program unfortunately not just a roof over your head.

And every refuge is different and it will be hard for me to get into one on a temporary basis.

I feel deflated Tbh, I thought refuges were a safe place for everyone.

I don’t really know what to do, I’ve built myself up to get to this point. And I have no where to go.

Xx

[Lisa]

Hi,

This sounds like a really distressing situation, its really important that you can go to a safe place. refuges are safe houses for women and children who are fleeing domestic violence. I’m sorry to hear you have had this response so far.

As already advised you can approach your local council for emergency accommodation. It might be worth contacting your local domestic abuse service for ongoing support with this.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here:
https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Take care

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

I just wanted to follow up with you on how this is going for you?

I’ve never heard anyone say that you are tied to living in a refuge for a set period of time.

We accept it is more than purely emergency accommodation, that it is a safe space for women fleeing abuse, and comes with support worker time and links to other required services.

…but I saw women leave, for many reasons, to come and go, and not stay for any set duration.

I hope you are ok, and are able to flee to safety sooner rather than later.

Thinking of you and hoping you are ok.

warmest wishes

ts

[Ohshesbloomin22]

Hi Twisted sister,

Thank you for replying again. I really appreciate having someone to talk to.

I feel rather rubbish tbh, as not even my Housing association, will help me. All they can offer is a management move.

All I can do is ask the council for emergency housing, but my support worker just says it could be anywhere. It’s like she’s putting me off. Because I want to return home.

I don’t drive, I have a child with additional needs. I really need support.

So now I don’t know what to do.

It’s taking me so long to get to this point, I’m ready to go.
But now it’s just set backs.

I can’t just sit and wait for him to go, he’s never going to go.
And I can’t get the injunction with him here, as it’s not safe.

Sorry for rambling.

I hope you’re okay 💕

Xx

[Twisted Sister]

so, let me get this straight. You and your child are currently with an abuser, and (detail removed by moderator) is refusing to find you a space, as in, won’t even look? When you are trying to escape him?

I cannot understand this.

How awful for you. The whole purpose of a refuge is to house women and their children fleeing domestic abuse, just wth!

Do keep talking, and I’m glad you have somewhere to come to here to express your feelings.

(detail removed by moderator)

[Twisted Sister]

…just thinking… you can’t get a restraining order against him whilst you live with him. Surely (detail removed by moderator) can help you escape long enough to get both a restraining order AND an occupation order so you can move straight back, and he has to rehome?

[Ohshesbloomin22]

Yeah that’s correct. I can’t believe it.

Refuges are saying they won’t be used as a stepping stone, I spoke to refuge via online chat and they said the same thing.

I’ve been ready to leave since Friday.

Maybe it’s best not to mention the order and escape then get that all in place once I’ve gone. I feel saying I have a plan, is it making it more difficult. When in reality it shouldn’t.

I’ll speak to a womens aid worker tomorrow. And see if they can help me.
But I feel I should just escape to a refuge with the kids, as I need to get away. He’s never going to go away, he’s looking for his own place and he still says, I hope you know I’m not going.
WTH.

Xx

[KillingMeSlowly]

Emergency accommodation with the council in my area is generally a hotel or b and b type situation. I found my council so super unhelpful they made my mental health low – I spoke to them on so many occasions and begged for help… they wouldn’t do anything until I’d spoken to a local DV charity they worked with and I couldn’t speak to them because I was stuck in the house with my abuser so it was like a catch-22 limbo!

If you are willing to go the police route potentially another option would be to report him for the abuse, they come arrest him and you are granted the orders while he is in custody. Change the locks and if it’s social housing, him having perpetrated DV against you breaks the rules/contract (not to commit anti social behaviour etc).

In my case, I only got out because something happened and I had to get police involved. The managed move by the HA isn’t a bad idea if you need to move to a new location – something for the future perhaps?

[Ohshesbloomin22]

Hi Killingmesoftly thank you for replying.

What was your experience with dealing with the police? We’re they helpful?

Yeah I think the managed move is something I would consider in the future. If needed.

Did you stay at your home? Or did you move?

I’m really struggling getting help to stay at home.

I have a chance to get away (detail removed by Moderator), so I’m just going to take it. As I can’t bare the environment. Everything I want to do he’s like no you’re not.

Speak soon

Xx

[Twisted Sister]

Hi again

Refuges are saying they won’t be used as a stepping stone, I spoke to refuge via online chat and they said the same thing.

Then what is the point of refuge, they are not supposed to be there to use women this way, they are there supposedly to facilitate women and their children fleeing abuse, If the best way to do that is to secure occupation orders and non-molestation orders (because you cannot get them whilst with him for any reason), then why oh why is your safety and that of your children being risked like this. You could be free at this point, but are being blocked by those supposed to help, in exactly your situation.

Is this some hidden agenda, because I’ve never heard of this.

Some women cannot ‘comply’ with their rules, so they don’t get protection.

I hope someone can come along that understands what is behind this and that it is for the benefit of women and children’s protection because I’m struggling to see it, just as you are.

warmest wishes

ts

[Ohshesbloomin22]

Hi Twisted sister;

I have some good news.

I’ve spoken to refuge again and they told me the day before I’m ready to leave to call them and they help me find a refuge space. They were very understanding. I have a day I’m able to escape (detail removed by Moderator). So I’m just preparing and getting everything in place . This is my only chance.

I spoke to the solicitors as they haven’t even contacted me about taking a statement. It’s been over a week. And they apologised and are getting somewhere to contact me this week. This was on Monday.

I’ve found a IDVA, who I’m having a call with tomorrow, as my support worker just isn’t emailing me back, I spoke to her on Friday asking what’s emergency housing like from the council, what’s happened to other ladies who have had to flee. No response. I don’t get it as on their website it says they can help find temporary accommodation, but when you ask for it they can’t then ignore you when you have questions. But onwards and upwards. I’m the only person who can change this.

I have been feeling rather low, but I’m getting my strength back. It’s like this inner strength. I’m ready for freedom. I ready for a happy life.

X*x

[Twisted Sister]

oh hang in there, what good news. Its so close now. Just keep yourself safe, and don’t give anything away.

Have you got your things safely prepared so he wouldn’t know? Maybe at a friends, or family member.

Did they prepare you for what to take with you, lke vital docs, etc.?

every strength to you for this final push. So glad you can get out.

warmest wishes

ts

[Ohshesbloomin22]

Thank you so much.

The final push now.

I’ve got a bag already at a family members, I have an emergency bag here that im preparing. With birth certificates, important letters etc.

Any advice on what to take?

Warmest wishes right back to yu

x*x

[Twisted Sister]

Documents for your ID, like household utility bills, passport, birth cert, driving licence. Any documents that secure your part in your house, mortgage papers, or rental agreements. Your banking details (not leave behind for him), your child’s medical supplies and documents/red book, their special thing/s. A basic set of clothes. Basic bathroom products and a food parcel to keep you going in the immediate would be there already.

Your essentials. Hopefully they can do a bit of a checklist with you, and there may also be on here a section under refuge and what to take.

Behave normal to him, no doubt he will detect a change in you anyway, but talk about things ‘after’ your leaving day, to throw him off. Not long now. Sending every strength.

warmest wishes

ts

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