Interview

[Fudgecake]

Hello,
I went for my first interview today in a long time. Wasn’t allowed to work and discouraged to seek a job. Now I’ve left I have been actively looking. My age nd years of not working has made it difficult but somebody gave me a chance at an interview. I was interviewed by someone who could have been my son lol. Still it’s made me realise how screwed up I am. Before the interview I had a panic attack with nagging self doubt. I managed to hold myself together for interview but in the car park after I felt sick and burst into tears. Luckily out of sight I hope. Cried all the way home. The ex really did a number on me…

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Fudgecake, that’s great news, because we all know how scary going fir interviews are at the best of times💞 that’s no1 out of the way. Go home and give yourself a treat, because you have accomplished something so out of your comfort zone. I am so proud of you.
IWMB 💕💕

[lover of no contact]

Well done Fudgecake. You turned up and sat your interview and that’s the most important thing and all you can do. You are doing your part. You are applying for the jobs. You are sitting the interviews. You are taking the action. The outcome is out of your hands. Keep applying. Keep turning up for the interviews. You are doing your part then. Let go of the outcome. Don’t worry how you were on the day. You did the best you could at the time and that’s ok. We all know we are the way we are because of where we have come from (tormented and traumatized by abusers). Its not easy trying to get back on track and heal and move forward with our lives but you are trying. You are taking the actions. No one could ask more.

[Fudgecake]

Thank you both for offering me support, it made me feel better knowing that on here there are people who understand. I feel so alone at the moment and this forum has been a great comfort. I’ve been very low recently but it’s still very early days. I haven’t registered with a gp yet around here, but I think I will soon. I think I’m going to need some antidepressants if I keep feeling like this. It’s hard to explain but sometimes I just get to a point where I think the ground is going to swallow me up. You’re right Lover of no Contact, we do know why we are this way – it’s terrible what our partners do in the name of “love”.

[Fudgecake]

Well I didn’t get the job. It should have taken 3 to 5 days to let me know. It took less than 24 hours lol. Gives me the feeling I was interviewed to satisfy statistics.
What a waste of time…

[KIP.]

Please don’t think it was a waste of time. That was a great thing you did and a good start just to get the experience again of an interview. Next time you will be better prepared. Keep going. I wasn’t allowed to work.he would t come out and say it like that but made my life hell when I did voluntary work or put so much stress on me I couldn’t make it to work. Keeping me awake all night or waking me really early. Just sabotaging my life. We do t have that albatross round our neck anymore so keep going and well done x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Congratulations Fudgecake on getting an interview! I know how tough it is, well done for going through with it. Especially after having a panic attack. How brave of you.

Yes I know about the age difference, it is terrible, time passes and it is like kinder-garden kids are interviewing us.
It is kind of funny but normal because the front line jobs are always the ones for the juniors so they can learn the ropes. We’ve all been there. Managers and directors inside the company and all other professionals are usually much older. Thank goodness haha.
I too am off the job market since years because I was taking care of my family so it isn’t as easy to get back in but it is possible I’m sure of it.

I agree with Lover of No Contact to let go of the outcome and just go to the interviews. That’s usually my approach and it worked fine until the last one that I scre**d up myself. It is shocking when an interview reveals the state of our health, I learned that the hard way last week as well.

I did go see my gp this week and she took one look at me and signed me off sick for the entire month.
She gave me strong soothing medicines – it is what psychotic people are taking 😪- to calm their nerves but anyway I started this week with one pill per evening and I already notice the calming effect so it must be working.

I would definately go see a gp to check your health, it is important. I wish you the best darling. 💛🌸

[Fudgecake]

Thanks Hopelifejoy. We’ll both have to chalk it up as experience, keep going and eventually we’ll be successful. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I will definitely go to the gp this week. I need something to calm my nerves I think.
I’m glad you went to see the gp. Take care of yourself and go to that museum. I’m going to plan a day out with my kid this week and forget about jobs for a while.
I wish you all the best too xx

[HopeLifeJoy]

I’m sorry you didn’t get it. I agree with KIP, it isn’t a waste of time, not at all. Last week someone here (Maddog I think) told me that they know exactly who they want and that is like auditioning for a part. You weren’t right for the part/ job that is all. You’ll get the job that is right for you.

[Iwantmeback]

That’s how I’ve always looked at interviews. They’re either not suited fir me or me for them, doesnt stop the nerves though, the right one will come along, meanwhile you get to dress up and put on a new face, meet people you wouldn’t normally. Being among strangers is what I’m not looking forward to once this mess is fixed, but I’ll put one foot in front of the other and fake it til I make it😄

[KIP.]

IWMB being amongst strangers is one of the best things. Being with an abuser isolates us and makes us feel inadequate. That’s not true. Strangers are wonderful compared to the dysfunction we have lived. Strangers have been lovely to me, have helped me on my journey and have had better intentions towards me than a man I married and took vows with. We were once all strangers on here. Embrace a new free life. I’ve met such wonderful inspirational women I would never have met with my abuser. Fascinating funny intelligent people who make life interesting. X

[Fudgecake]

Thank you all for those words of support and kindness. They made me feel better. Like you, IWMB ,
I’ll fake it til I make it 🙂

I agree, KIP, strangers have been wonderful to me recently, helping me untangle myself from my abuser/ prison (I can’t call it a home). There was one young lad in particular from a utility company that went that extra mile for me when I told him the reason I was going so quickly.

I find reading everyones posts on here inspirational. It gives me the strength to keep my head above the water.

Thank you all xx

[diymum@1]

I definitely dont feel as alone (in this situation) anymore – i always wondered why i felt alone in a room or surrounded by family. i felt guilty feeling like it wasnt enough to fill the void that i was experiencing. its that lack of understanding and the never ending ignorance we face in the long road infront of us. until we meet people who share that same experience -that validation is such a gift xx thank you all 🙂 much love diymum x

[Iwantmeback]

I agree KIP, I have felt inadequate, worthless for too long. But I’ve definately turned the corner. He broke the ice earlier, so told him I was doing what he said and going to see a lawyer and left it at that.was accused of throwing us away! Feeling nervous but no longer anxious. Been told I can go and stay with a few people for a while. Have something big coming up, hopefully it can wait till after it, if not I’ll just have to walk that road instead. Got some more things out earlier and threw out some more to. I’m actually relieved to be taking control if that makes sense.
Nervous and scared, IWMB 💕

[KIP.]

Please don’t tell him or even hint you’re leaving. I know the temptation is there and we desperately want them to understand but his abuse will escalate. You won’t win any argument or discussion. Try to keep the peace meantime. Concentrate on getting safe x

[Fudgecake]

I’ve been thinking about you a lot IWMB since your post at the weekend and I hope you are feeling the best you can be under the circumstances xx. Nervous and scared – yes that’s what it feels like but there is also the relief too. I would also urge you not to even hint that you’re leaving. Hard as it will be carry on as normal. It’s horrid to do but for your own safety it’s the only way. You can’t have a rational discussion as they are not rational people. And escalation is likely if he thinks you’re going.
Keep posting here when you can so we know you’re ok x

[diymum@1]

i echo that – let WA know tomorrow – take their advice – i just worry because these men tend to physically barr us from leaving. dont leave it to the point he ramps it up.if it escalates one bit call the police – leave tomorrow when hes at work if its all still calm xx im thinking of you my friend much love diymum xx

[Anonymous]

I would never interview someone unless I thought it likely I’d give them the job, so well done for getting that far. Interviews are never wasted. Each one is just practice for the next! When the job is right for you, the interview will work x

[Author]

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