Intimacy

[Hollapops-]

Hello all, I just wanted to discuss something fairly personal and hopefully you all don’t mind. Basically my ex was a controlling emotional abuser. He was affectionate in terms of hugs, kissing my face etc in public; however in bed he was a bit rubbish. He chose only one or two positions and would pull my hair and spank me, plead with me to dress up in role play outfits. Looking back I feel humiliated and dirty. There was never any real closeness there (never face to face) and quite frankly I felt like a porn star. During the love bombing/charm stage he would always ask for pictures from me..I never sent nudes but I feel quite embarrassed that he still might have pictures of me posing etc. Basically I just feel really confused, ashamed etc and worried how this has affected my view of intimacy etc

[Anonymous]

The thing here to remember is that the way your ex treated you is not what a real relationship feels like. Intimacy is a 2 way thing not one being demanding of another and not meeting their needs. YOu have nothing to be ashamed about if he ever did anything with the pictures he would be in a lot of trouble. Moving forward if you find that it may become an issue in future relationships I would ask your doctor to refer you for some counselling as they could work through your feelings of shame and humiliation xx

[KIP.]

Hi there, I feel you might still be trying to recover your self confidence that abusers steal from us. I’m probably further along the journey of recovery but I remember feeling ashamed and hurt by the things he made me do. But we do what we can to survive in an abusive relationship and the shame is all his. Keep concentrating on your recovery, as your self confidence and self esteem return, you will see him for the real loser he is. Can you think of a positive relationship you e had with a past partner. I’ve been thinking beyond my ex to a time before him when I was treated properly and with respect by boyfriends.

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