Involving the children in separation issues (continuing control)

[Bunnyhop12]

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with an abusive ex who is using the kids to continue control? My children are between (detail removed by moderator) years old, and my ex often says things to them that are overly ‘adult’ (about separation / conflict / legal issues). I am still going through the court process so I don’t want to position myself as uncooperative, but I’m finding it very hard to cope with the game-playing especially as it is confusing and worrying the children. Do I raise it as an issue? Or is this one of those things I need to learn to let go of? Thanks

[Anonymous]

Hi Bunnyhop12

You need to raise your concerns to cafcass and in court if you’re given the chance to speak! Also anything your children repeat you should document it. Abusers will carry on abusing us through our children. Its actually very serious and damaging to the children. X

[Anonymous]

You definitely will not be seen as being uncooperative, cafcass will want to know this information aswell as the court. These are your children and you don’t want them being emotionally damaged by this man too. You do what you need to do him. These ‘kind of men’ are more than capable of destroying our kids too, but like our abuse it often leaves no visible marks!! X

[Bunnyhop12]

Thank you Turtledove – I’m finding it really hard to have confidence that the system will protect me and the children at the moment. I can see all of the ways the manipulation and abuse can continue despite protective orders and contact arrangements being in place. It’s a horrible feeling when all you want is for your children to be free to enjoy their childhood without being weighed down by adult problems.

[diymum@1]

I’ve posted this for you above it’s from when dad hurts mom x

[JOMO]

My concerns are similar to the above. My sons are teenagers and their father badmouths me and my family to them; the younger son is able to enjoy his father’s company but feels very confused by some of his father’s actions; I listen and try to help but don’t feel I am always the best person to help him. Is there any help out there for teenagers to help him understand what has happened; as far as he was concerned everything was ok because he was shielded from reality of the situation of coercive controlling within our marriage.

[Rockinghorse123]

I have this now (removed by moderator) years on so I took advice and report it every time to the police because he is causing emotional abuse to the children. I asked early help to get involved to support the children. I Would advise to tell the appropriate authorities as they have a responsibility to act on the information you give.

[Author]

Posts