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    • #11051
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      So everything settled down and I thought it would be be OK but we’be just had a rare night out and it’s started again I realised he was drinking to much but I still thought maybe we were going to get closer tonight if you know what I mean, how pathetic, we are married most other people don’t have this problem, but when we got home he started rolling around on the bed drunk and shouting at me and throwing things. And I just feel so so stupid things are never going to change, I’m going to have to leave and I don’t want to, I’m literally balling my eyes out snot streaming, complete mess. I know I’m not getting beaten up and I should have done balls but my children love him and I’m going to break everyone’s hearts but I can’t do this anymore, I’m also drunk and I feel like s**t

    • #11052
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      # Have some balls

    • #11053
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      I’m still drinking wine I think I’m having a complete breakdown

    • #11054
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      I want to leave but I literally can’t bear thecpain I will feel when he gets with someone else, which is what he said he would do if I leave

    • #11055
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      I looked really good tonight, I’ve lost 1stone and I’m the same weight as when I met him if not less but he has been sniping at me all night saying to people he prefers his dog and if I ever made him choose it’d be no contest I really want to understand how I ended up here, almost suicidal no actually suicidal in a position if no power when before I was so strong, how has he done this? All I want is someone to love me,regular sex (I like sex sorry)a bit of stability but I feel likening so mental I’ve destroyed any chance vofvthat! And to prove I’m mental I just keep writing in the abyss, I’m better off dead

    • #11057
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Lost Myself,

      I have been where you are. The pain and cruelty experienced late at night. I also took to drinking more wine than normally to cope with the pain.

      Tomorrow you will need to figure out what you are going to do. But that is tomorrow. Nothing can be done now. Except if you feel at risk, us there somewhere you can go, to escape the situation?

      Please try to stop drinking any more wine, Sweetie- it will make you feel even more emotional, and you need your strength to deal with this.

      A man worthy of you wouldn’t be causing you all this pain.

      Believe me, I never thought I would get to the point where I could survive without him. I have, and you can too. You can find a place of peace and happiness.

      Please, if you feel at risk, get out. Please protect yourself. He sounds like a cruel man, playing nasty games.

      Keep us updated x

    • #11058
      Serenity
      Participant

      my ex also told people I was below the dog in the pecking order. People were horrified.

      Sweetie, he is a sick man, an unkind and evil man. They are born that way. It is no reflection upon you. He probably says nasty things to make you feel small as he is insecure, because he knows what a good and beautiful person you are.

      It took me months / years to realise the problem wasn’t me- it was him. Please believe this too. They are just nasty, jealous, sick, weak men. Sex with him would only make you feel violated. X*x

    • #11060
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      Thank-you serenity, I know exactly what you mean in the cold light of day I know i will see it for whatever is, a stupid weak drunk man but I feel so low…I’ve stopped drinking and I know if he wakes up he will be like W*F I just couldn’t shag you b***h!but ive gone beyond the point if no return tonight,I am drunk but I can’t and wondered anyone bring me down to this point, I’m getting out as soon as I can x*x

    • #11063
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      Thank-you serenity I am crying at your kindness. But I lightbulb has also gone off in my head, I have started a new exercise class hencectge weight-loss and feeling good this week, despite what hes said about it being good for me maybe he feels threatened I look nice, everyone was saying tonight, sad as it seems maybe he wants me to feel c**p about myself and this is the punishment? Xxxii

    • #11064
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      I’m going to go to sleep now you’re right there’s no point tonight but seriously thank-you, I will look in the morning xxxii

    • #11065
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      Please can I ask for my last 4 reply’s to be deleted I feel like I’ve put too much information in them and I could be identified x

    • #11070
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there, just wanted to send you a hug. My ex was the same and they will always change the goal posts. I did everything he wanted, with icing on top, and he would just find something to bring me down. That’s what abusers do, and they love it. They suck the life from us like vampires and it makes them feel good. It’s sad to admit but these men don’t change. You tell them all your weaknesses, and they use them against you. They are toxic. ‘living with the dominator’ is a great book be Pat Craven. Please call your local women’s aid for help. It’s hard and dangerous to leave an abuser without help. The abuser will use terrible mind games. Mine actually saw another woman to try and make me jealous and it back fired badly. Life is so good once you are free from the chains of abuse. It’s a roller coaster ride but I’m free now and beginning to enjoy life again the way I did before he tried to destroy me. Keep posting❤️

    • #11076
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Lost Myself,

      I hope you are feeling relatively ok today.

      Yes, I do think you are right. My ex would wait until an event where I was dressed up and looked nice to put me down and criticise my appearance. He is threatened by your new attempts to lose weight: he knows he’s treated you abominably, and feels threatened by this new you and thinks you will find someone better than he had been to you! So he’s trying to keep you by wrecking your peace and confidence!

    • #11084
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Hi Lostmyself, I hope you are ok today. I wish you all the strength you need to leave this individual asap.
      I am sure you can find any man quickly if you have to. They all think with their testicles anyway. That is what makes them so despicable for me.
      Your life will change for the better when no one pulls you down and reduces your achievements to nothing. Whatever he says, he may not even find another woman. My ex was good looking and towards the end of our relationship he told me that he wanted another woman because in his eyes I had so many faults. I told him in our last conversation that I really hoped he found a much better looking woman who finally makes him happy. Well, he is still alone. It seems the women he fancies do not want him. I could not understand why he harrassed me after I dealt with him. I thought he would leave me alone because I was ugly and unworthy to him. But this is how they all are: they try to hurt us and make us feel bad in order to make us insecure and cling to them. x*x

    • #11099
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      Thank-you all for supporting me though the worst time again, I feel rubbish today, I couldn’t concentrate at work and I deal with customers all day so maybe in trouble there if my supervisor noticed. I’ve read both books now , he is text book cross between player, demand man and victim. I’m making serious steps to getting out now, I’ve gone down from size 14 to size 10 in unbelievably short time and my eating disorder is in full force again, it’s time to look after me now just feel sorry for my children but their dads not really bothered about them only for show. That really hurts. They are young so hopefully it not done too much damage!

    • #11100
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      He did say sorry and was really really nice to me,I almost feel like I made it all up(I didn’t) or overreaction because of me having (only a few)drinks when the chaos happened, I don’t know myself now, times blurry

    • #11102
      Serenity
      Participant

      Lost Myself,

      Be careful. The abuse cycle is just that- tension building, abuse, then the abuser being all nice again to reel you in.

      Thinking you imagined it all or exaggerated it your head is a normal feeling when they become Mr Nice Guy again.

      What you need to ask yourself is, what damage is he performing at other times? And is the Mr Nice act not just manipulation, and him realising he needs to conquer you all over again?

      Also, abusers will minimise their own behaviour, make excuses for it and tell you you imagined it or are exaggerating or blaming them for something that wasn’t their fault. This is called ‘gas lighting.’

      Listen to your gut xxxx

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