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I’ve just read in another post that a couple of ladies are experiencing clinical sex with their abusers, very cold and unemotional. Is this typical of abusers and why? My sex is just like this. In fact we don’t really have sex, he prefers to just (detail removed by moderator)! It’s very emotionally detached and i’m sick of it, in fact I thought this was a separate issue from the emotional abuse but now i’m thinking it may well be part of it?
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Yes it’s part of the abuse. An abuser will abuse you in many different ways. Emotionally, financially, sexually, verbally, physically. He’s not interested in an emotional connection. He just wants sex. When I told my ex it our relationship was finished after decades. He simply said ‘can we still have sex’. Sick individuals. It’s hard to rationalise it’s your life partner treating you this way x
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Yes this was one of the final things that made me realise something was wrong in the relationship. He was so cold, clinical and seemed to dislike me yet also want sex. He barely looked at me and didn’t speak then got angry when I wanted to be affectionate.
They see us as objects so it makes sense. They just want a sex and domestic slave they can control. No thanks.
That’s not what a normal loving relationship looks like. A loving partner wants his partner to enjoy sex and would be affectionate and caring. Sex is meant to be about human connection, not one person using another as a masturbatory tool.
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Abusers don’t ‘do’ love. My ex treated me like an object; a sex toy. Consent is irrelevant when they think of you as a thing. (detail removed by moderator). There has been an article recently on BBC news website about rape by stealth. This behaviour is so common with abusers. It’s hard to accept that someone you love or loved was actually just using your body, raping you.
I too was a masterbatory tool.
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Just in case there are women who read this and can’t relate. In the beginning my abuser was the best lover I’ve ever had. Sex was great. He always made sure my needs were met. Was respectful and romantic. Of course this was just part of the mask he wore to disguise the nasty abusive person he was and part of the love bombing and hook. They jeckyl and Hyde. Hope I’m not revealing too much but let’s just say that part of my life, like every other part became abusive. And there was I wondering what I’d done wrong and where that wonderful lover was and how do I get him back. All part of the cycle of abuse x
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Oh my God I relate to this completely….my husband was like nothing I had ever had at the beginning and now it’s like I am literally not there and he might aswell just w*** ….he’s also obsessed with porn and when I found some on his phone a few years back (his phone completely locked down now) he said all men have porn and I was being ridiculous even though it also had man on man….gross! I am literally done with it all…Need OUT ASAP
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Hey, I’m glad you can relate. My ex had porn on his phone, laptop. He would watch it to get aroused then expect sex. It was horrific. Just part of the game in the beginning. They try hard at everything until they think they have you trapped and hooked, Then you see the real person. They seem to get worse after marriage and childbirth when we are vulnerable. Learn as much as you can about the dynamics of an abuser. Know your enemy. (detail removed by moderator). Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven and Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Knowledge is Power x
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