Is he still controlling me ?

[Bubblegum]

Hello Ladies and Happy New year to you all .I have not used the forum in a while .Been doing ok on my own with my children feeling more content .Myself and Ex husband split up many years ago now .Due to his behaviour he does not see the children at all .Some shape form he would always be in the background .Its been a long while since we have seen heard from him .He has a partner and child so really all his attention is on them now .Anyway one connection still have with him child maintenance.He has been paying recent months but no supprise he didn’t pay in December.When I really need money with Xmas .He has stopped paying any extra for Xmas for our children .Our children’s birthdays very soon and the way it’s going I can’t see him giving our children then .I probably know the answer just need that extra reassurance .Is he still controlling with my emotions even now ? First day New year I find out he has not payed what he owes his children .We have no contact what’s so ever now .I think he knows now I can finally see through him .I feel so sad for our children .I look after best I can even gone back to collage .To try eventually earn better wage but that’s going to take time .I do wish I didn’t have to rely on his money .Any advice ladies ? X

[Lisa]

Hi Bubblegum,

Just wanting to welcome you back to the forum as understandably you’re after a bit of assurance and advice with the financial control you are experiencing from your ex-partner.

This type of abuse and control is very common from perpetrators, even long after the separation. He still is the abuser he always was, so it’s no surprise he continues to demonstrate this in the few last remaining ways he can. He has a basic responsibility as a parent to pay child maintenance and it’s absolutely your right as the other parent to challenge this when he doesn’t.

The DEAP (Domestic Economic Abuse Project) offers a confidential telephone support for anyone experiencing financial abuse. You can call them on 01323 635987. You may also find it useful to get some free legal advice around this from Rights of Women on 0207 251 6577 (open Tues-Thursday 7pm-9pm, Fri 12noon-2pm), or have a read on their info about child maintenance on their website: https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/children-law-child-maintenance/.

I hope this helps. Be assured you are exercising your rights and your motivation here is being a good mother looking out for your children’s best interest. I know it must be difficult having to start ‘chasing’ you ex for funds, especially around this time of year and especially as you have moved on and have had little or nothing to do with him for some time now. Please keep posting on here as you need for support as many of the women on here will be very familiar with what you are going through and be able to empathise!

All the best,

Lisa

[fizzylem]

Put it through the child manatanance agency B, then you’ll nevr have to chase it again, they’ll do it for you – will be set of course though so there will no extra anymore unless he does this off his own back but then is it better to have a regualr set amount than none at all and him not paying you when he feels like it – leaving you in a hardship x

[Bubblegum]

Thank you Lisa and fizzylem for your advice much appreciated.I go through child maintenance regards to money for our children but he still messing me about .Will have to get in touch with child maintenance again .My thoughts rang true even further .One of our children’s birthdays .He sent a card that he wrote to say he’d been injured in work (detail removed by moderator) and will make it up to our child another time .No money inside not even a small amount not supprised .Funny tho his partner said recently to someone he was away for Xmas working 🤔.Even after all these years he’s still looking to hurt punish me .He is the one that’s moved one had another child x

[Author]

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