Is he still controlling my emotions ?

[Bubblegum]

Hi ladies .In recent weeks Ive been doing ok feeling more relaxed enjoying life really .I bumped into a friend (removed by moderator) I hadn’t seen long time .Im aware my Ex husband had got his new girlfriend pregnant pretty quickly .My friend mentioned which sex they were having .The person thought I’d know and apologised as did not want to upset me .At time I was ok wasn’t upset etc went to sleep ok .I woke really early this morning .My Ex lives (removed by moderator) from were me and his kids live .He longer has no contact with his kids as he tells people Ive stopped him from seeing his own kids .I lay awake was thinking my kids father is literally (removed by moderator) away from his own children and he simply does not bother anymore .The sex new baby is opposite to what Ive got .Im very happy with my own kids due age can’t see me having anymore .Plus it’s only now I’m getting my own life back .As I had little help with my Ex bringing own kids up .Although there is no going back with me my Ex I feel Ive been picked up thrown across a room I’m emotionally drained .Im sitting in the sun moment on my own it’s peaceful beautiful but inside I feel I just want to go to sleep not wake up so I don’t have to feel so low inside all time .I feel mad at myself as I have two beautiful kids and rest life to look forward to .My close friends said it won’t last and my mum said don’t let him control you anymore on how you feel now .She is right in a way I’m currently on mild anti depressants don’t feel need to get anything stronger .I want to do things but sometimes feel stuck rut .Not sure if it’s lack confidence as my Ex has dominated my life thoughts for many years .Life does move on but part me thinks god he’s going around acting top world couldn’t be happier .Sounds stupid it’s just not fair am I acting victim ?

[Bubblegum]

I’m currently Do no contact and off social media .So want him not to effect me anymore emotionally .Most time I’m strong but sometimes years firm line I crumble inside xx

[Lisa]

Hi Bubblegum,

It sounds like you’ve had a completely natural reaction to hearing news about him from your friend. Hearing anything related to your ex, let alone something so significant as this, can trigger past feelings and anxieties. It’s also normal to feel grief for the relationship that you should have had and anger at the injustice of it all for you and your children.

Are you getting any local support? For example have you attended any group programmes or had any counselling? Both could be really valuable to help you to keep moving forwards. That said, recovery is a process that you can’t rush, so be kind to yourself and take it day by day. You mentioned you have been feeling more relaxed and enjoying life, so keep going, it’s normal to have good days and bad days.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Confused123]

Hi Lovely

I think any one would of reacted the same, its fine to feel down hearing the news as it does impact us nomatter how much we try to ignore, give it a few days and u willmove on , think of th epositives how much u have moved on since u left him, hyes they do waste a lot of our life time, but try to see it as a learning lesson in progress and whatit taught u , set goals for yourself and work towards them. I think leaving a abuser ,our biggest achievement is how we have moved on and didnt drop down dead as they would of wish , u have good days and bad days, this is my target at moment not to be pulled down by him. Enjoy your time with your kids, if he really wanted to see them he would of made more effort, its so much better his not in their life, u all get peace. Yes even i used to think in th ebeginign but its th ekids dad he deserve to be in their life, why should they lose out,well their actions prove differ. A kid is not a sweet they can pick up whenever they like. And beleive me hun, it doesnt matter she is having a child of the opposite sex, still the same father, my ex used to say to me if onlyu gave me a child of x gender i would change, ….. b s*** far as im concerned.

[Bubblegum]

Thank you Lisa Confused 123 for both your replys it means a lot .Lisa Ive down a few things with women’s Aid freedom project positive behaviour programme and recently confidence training day .Consulling might well be a good option to think about .Ive come so far most areas but still strugggling few years down line with feeling relaxed with other men and self confidence .

[Author]

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