is he too good to be true.

[Anonymous]

i posted a couple of days ago about meeting a guy through work. we have met up a couple of times had a fantastic day out today treated me like a princess what i have always dreamed of.. so why don’t i feel happy or excited? he really likes me and is planning to take me to nice places he says i deserve to be treated good (no 💩 there) hes not tried anything on with me he has totally respected me in every way. but why am I not on cloud 9? i feel as miserable as ever. is there something wrong with me?

[Overcome]

Maybe you are more cautious this time around, wondering if he will start to change like you’ve known only too well in the past?

I would imagine that being in an abusive relationship leaves it’s scars and we are bound to be more cautious going into a new relationship.

Have you felt any red flags? Or is it just purely apprehension you are feeling?

Be easy on yourself, if he means what he says, he will be patient with you and prove his worth x

With love,

Overcome x

[KIP.]

I was emotionally numb and vulnerable for a long time. Your post is all about what he’s going to do for you. How he makes you feel like a princess. How he’s going to take you to nice places and treat you good. You can do these things yourself. It sounds like maybe you’re looking outwards for healing, for external validation instead of inwards at healing yourself and building your own self confidence and esteem. Ignore me if I’m wrong. I’ve started nightschool psychology and think I’m Sigmund Freud lol x just sending you strength and a reminder it’s a long rollercoaster to recovery, no shortcuts x hang in there 🤗

[HunkyDory]

You’re going to be cautious, it’s your self preservation kicking in. And that’s not a bad thing being vigilant. Treat your self well, take your time and take things at your own pace. There are good people out there.

what KIP says is very interesting and worth thinking about.

try not to think too much about what’s ahead, enjoy the moment x

[Anonymous]

hi ladies. again you are all very right. my insides are in turmoil. my ex is out of my life but its like soothing severe burns after the fire has gone out. if im brutality honest i am terrified. kip your advice is outstanding i have followed every bit of advice you have ever given me. all i can see is a friendship on the horizon its all i can offer. i do want to see him again but i cant give him anything more. not emotionally definitely not physically. i really now know im damaged 😔

[KIP.]

Hey, damage can be repaired 🤗
I don’t recognise the person I was even a year ago. We heal, we move on, we have wonderful adventures x you will too x

[Anonymous]

thank you beautiful lady..x

[HunkyDory]

You’ll know when you’re ready chik, it’s just not now. You have some healing to do. It sounds like you found a good friend though xx

[Anonymous]

hiya hunkydory
yes he is brilliant i just wish i met him this time last year. yes definitely friends for life. i have not laughed so much in a long time it felt great i felt the old me creep back for a while x

[Tiffany]

The guy I am with now, we started out as “this guy is definitely going to be my friend”. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to date or not when I met him. Lots of anxiety. We took everything at my pace and we are still together over a year later. I did tell him that I wanted to date him, but needed to take it slow a couple of weeks in. A good guy is going to do that. You don’t have to rush to make any decisions. And you don’t have to date him at all ever if you don’t want to. It’s absolutely fine to take things at your own pace.

[Anonymous]

hi tiffany. thank you for your reply. we sat and had a good chat he totally understands were i am in my head and has told me everything is at my pace which is totally 🐌 im happy with that. my heads everywhere now as i really didn’t expect to meet someone so quick someone who wants me for me i am really struggling with it if im really honest xx

[Tiffany]

I found that hard too. I was under a year of no contact when I met my boyfriend. I was really aware that I was still very vulnerable. But you rarely meet people with perfect timing in life. My one piece of advice to you is to work out what your boundaries are and then stick to them. There is nothing like a firm boundary for flushing out abusive tendencies. If he ever tried to pressure you into doing anything you are uncomfortable with then cut and run. I didn’t fully commit to my relationship for months incase I had to do this. But he’s a good guy and didn’t mind. And eventually I could let my guard down because he had actually proved he was trustworthy, rather than because he told me he was trustworthy. It’s a totally reasonable stance to take. It’s not like you are setting them impossible challenges. Just to respect you and your body. My abuser strangled me, so I had to tell my new partner that touching my neck was off limits at first. And so he didn’t touch my neck until I felt safe enough to try letting him kiss me there. And even now I can tell him something is back off limits with no questions asked. It was pretty astounding when I met him, that there were people out there with that much respect for my autonomy. But now it surprises me even more that I ever put up with anyone who didn’t respect me like that.

[Anonymous]

hi Tiffany
im so glad you have found a lovely man. its sad the mental damage is still there. he has done more for me in a short time. my ex done nothing or took me anywhere. he is planning days out trips away nothing costs me any money im blown away. but there has to be boundaries because i cant take another kicking

[colouringinfairy]

I’m exactly the same. I think I am just mentally and emotionally shut down. It sounds like you’ve got a guard up which is completely fair and reasonable at this time. I have too. It’s sad because all we want is to feel excitement and happiness – I haven’t felt that since my ex – and because we don’t we think there is something wrong with us. I think it is just our minds way of kicking into self protect mode. It takes a long time to really get to know someone so hopefully after a while of him being consistent and treating you well you will begin to relax and feel more comfortable. It’s all going to take time. You’ve been through trauma and that isn’t easy to heal from now matter how wonderfully someone treats you 🙁

[Anonymous]

isnt it awful when your scared to start a new life in case it all happens again.? im so tired of being scared to live and enjoy myself again. i really can’t take anymore hurt..

[Author]

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