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    • #116381
      Weepingwillow
      Participant

      I’ve been with my husband since my (detail removed by Moderator) and always knew our relationship wasn’t quite right but I did love him
      After the deaths of my parents I had therapy for a traumatic event and after a few sessions she said my husband wasn’t helping with my grief and we ended up taking about him more and more and she said he controls me and has n********tic traits but felt he would be worse if I left and would be safer to o so stay and protect the kids the best I could. I have now finished therapy and turned to my sister . She is frustrated with me as can’t understand why I stay and our last conversation said it sounds like a power struggle between us, we have no respect for each other but neither has the courage to leave . He’s not really violent but does threaten violence and swears and shouts a lot .
      I found out a (detail removed by Moderator) ago that he messages other women and at first I was broken and then i just turned a blind eye and part of me hoped he would leave for someone else . Recently a woman messaged saying he had messaged her daughter in appropriate messages. He’s dented, blamed me for not giving him attention and said he was brought up o help people and that’s what he does . I don’t feel he helps me and the kids at all just other people . My sister said this has given me he upper hand and I was really upset about this as didn’t feel like that at all , just made me feel ashamed and disrespected
      I’m going on I know , I just don’t know what /who is right or wrong any more , feel more confused than ever
      I’ve tried to focus on me the last few months , I was overweight after years of comfort eating and decided to start eating healthy and walking but I just feel it’s all a waste of time 😪 and feel myself slipping

    • #116384
      KIP.
      Participant

      Abusers are liars and I have huge concern that any therapist would tell someone to stay in a controlling relationship with someone with n********tic traits. Please contact your local women’s aid. Threatening violence shouting and swearing is illegal and I’d speak to the domestic abuse police too.

    • #116410
      Weepingwillow
      Participant

      Thanks KIP. I was concerned about losing my kids to him , he is very charming to the outside of world . My therapist said at least with him, now I know you what I’m dealing with I can protect them.
      I get confused as he is like Jekyll and Hyde and when he’s being normal I think I’ve overdramatised things
      I have tried to call women’s aid a few times and left messages but not had call back and have in the past spoken to them. I know there are many women who’s need is greater than mine

    • #116412
      KIP.
      Participant

      You can’t protect them when you’re with him, that’s the problem. They’re exposed to his abuse and his abusing you. They learn from his behaviour. Show them they don’t need to put up with abuse. Children from abusive homes are far more likely to be abused as an adult. There’s lots of help out there and forewarned is forearmed.

    • #116420
      Weepingwillow
      Participant

      Thank you , I will speak to Women’s Aid and see where I stand . It does worry me that he is such a charmer and could get custody of the kids , I’m not the best at expressing myself

    • #116429
      KIP.
      Participant

      That’s where women’s aid can help you and advocate on your behalf if you need them x

    • #121809
      sweet4
      Participant

      hi Can i just say, when i spoke to Solice today, they said it sounds like an argument
      So i am confused, so shouting and swearing, and throwing insults at me, threatening to knock down the bedroom door, is not abuse, just a row.The police felt the same.

    • #121812
      Daff
      Participant

      My ex used to message other woman and said it was my fault because i didn’t give him enough attention. Hes very good at people seeing what he wants people to see. After we spilt the children would side with him, lie and cover things for him. I stopped him seeing the children and stopped all contact between him and me. Now he uses one of the children to try and and get contact. They are starting to realise what he is like but its not what i wanted. I wanted to keep them out of things as much as possible. All i can say is now im not with him im more comfortable not afraid of what im going home to. Even if things are up in the air i hope theres light at tge end of the tunnel. You deserve to be happy, it may not be a easy road getting there but im sure you can.

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