Is it absue

[Jeeves]

Hi
New to this but I wanted some advice. Like most posts I see , I wonder if I am crazy. I have been with my other husband over a decade. We have had good times and rocky times. I no saint myself but my husband is very short tempered with me specifically. If he doesn’t like my opinion or what I say his language can turn derogatory, rude, calls me names etc. The more I think about his behaviours the more I question is it abuse. Like most when your in it , you don’t always see it.
An example would be last night I came home from work after collecting our daughter , (detail removed by moderator) (detail removed by moderator) and I was peckish so had some before I was going to start dinner . Well apparently that (detail removed by moderator) was his and he turned rude and started yelling at me , name calling . I didn’t eat it on purpose but (detail removed by moderator) all of this in front our daughter I must add. I kept calm and eventually after about (detail removed by moderator) I must add I did not go as this to me was silly and childish and did not rise to his antics. I must add in the past I would have lost my cool I am trying to be calm partly because he would film me if I got upset to say see I will show people what your like. There have also been threats if I go can’t take my daughter .
I am the main bread winner so financially I will be ok on my own but I think if I go he will make my life hell , also to be honest I have never told anyone what he is like behind closed doors so I worry no one would believe me and I feel embarrassed. I think about my daughter and what’s the right choice for her , I can’t image this environment is a great example. I want her to know you should be respected and her father doesn’t show me respect so what example am I setting for her .

I can give numerous examples over the years like getting kicked cause we were out and I annoyed them with what I said and I am awakened to the fact that my husband really makes my life stressful for no reason
I know some women on here have had far worse experiences but please if any of the above raises alarms I really value some opinions

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Jeeves

Anyone can separate for any reason, noone has to stay in a marriage that they are unhappy in. However, its not so easy when the marriage is abusive, as women ending up speaking the way you speak, its suddenly a lot more complex and threats involved if separation is mentioned.

You could write down some of the worst/recent incidents and get an occupation order against him, so actually you don’t leave, but he is taken out instead, so that you and your daughter would stay in the home and not have the unheaval (or the risk) of leaving. Yes, as you say, your daughter is witnessing this. Anything that she witnesses will be abuse to her also, because of the affect on her seeing you being abused by her father. So you are both being abused.

Its hard to talk about, and its hard to make a post online about also, and you have been strong in reaching out in this way, carry on speaking, find more supports too, like speaking with your GP about whats been happening for you and your daughter, and seeing what other supports are available to you.

I hope you can feel that what you know inside about this, and what led you to posting about it, is your instincts shouting and all you need do is listen to them. Reading posts on here will help you see how familiar the patterns of abuse are and how you are not alone in this. Here, you are part of a community who understand how this is and can offer help.

warmest wishes

ts

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