Is it abuse

[Nolove]

I’m still conflicted in my mind if what I experienced by a family member is abuse. I know something wasn’t right, so does that mean it was abuse? The specific family member doesn’t think she has done anything wrong and blamed it all on me. If anyone confronted her and told her I’ve fled away from her because she was abusing me she would laugh, tell lies and be angry/upset probably and blame it all on me. It could be just in my own mind but I don’t feel like anyone believes me deep down even the support workers in the refuge I’m in. She physically attacked me when I was young. So I moved out. I moved back about (detail removed by moderator) ago and she was controlling and verbally abusive. I already suffer with mental health issues so living with this abuser has impacted massively on my mental health. I had enough so was accepted a place in a refuge. Also in the middle of all this I was raped by a man (detail removed by moderator) we was living in, he wasn’t a partner or ex partner. He just started talking to me (detail removed by moderator) we was living in. So I’ve been through two different types of abuse. I feel so damaged like I can’t come back from all of this. Even though I’m in refuge I still feel so scared and fearful not just of my abusers but of everyone. Obviously there’s lots for me to talk about so I will open up more in time. It would be lovely to meet some ladies in this forum that are survivor’s too!

[Lisa]

Hi Nolove,

I just wanted to offer some support as it sounds like you’re having a difficult time at the moment.

Unfortunately, it is so common for abusers to refuse to accept responsibility for their abusive behaviour, or to acknowledge that they have caused harm to someone. More often than not they will play the victim and accuse us of being the abuser or driving them to do what they do. This can be incredibly confusing, and when someone repeatedly tells us we deserve to be abused or it’s all in our head, we often begin to believe it, and believe that others wont believe us or will also blame us.

It sounds like you have been through so much. Are you receiving emotional support in the refuge? If you feel that it may be helpful to talk to someone about how you are feeling, you could call the Samaritans (116 123), if you want to talk to someone about the sexual abuse you have experienced, you could call Rape Crisis (0808 802 9999).

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Nolove]

No lisa I’m not receiving emotional support in the refuge🙄 how do I receive emotional support from domestic abuse? I know there’s samaritans but there not experienced supporting someone emotionally that’s been through abuse?

[KIP.]

I found a local charity that provided counselling. Ask around and speak to your GP about a referral for counselling x

[Nolove]

Okay thanks KIP x

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