Is it abuse?

[Grateful]

My husband keeps involving our daughter in our marital issues and wanting her support; I wonder if it is abusive to her and should I advise my solicitor?
He asked her opinion about mummy’s behaviour during a financial controlling incident recently too but fortunately she knows there is two sides to everything and was not swayed to his defence as he wished.
My husband and I have decided to split up and (removed by moderator) my husband had a chat with our daughter about how sad he was with me and treated her as if she was his counsellor. (Detail removed by moderator) 
My concern is that he tends to express how he is feeling in such a way it feels like he is dumping it on you and somehow it is your job to make him better. That’s my concern. Also it is never just a comment or two rather a lengthy speech each time.
He is due to get a Divorce notification when I am not there and I’m concerned about him “dumping on our daughter again in the future when undoubtedly he will be even more upset.
Should I advise my solicitor?

[White Rose]

It doesn’t sound good for your daughter’s emotional well being to be put in this situation regardless of her age. If she’s a “minor” it’s even worse.
I’d make your solicitor aware but also talk to help line if you can for more specific ideas.
Not sure if you are communicating with him directly if so try to make him understand its not appropriate or fair on her. He won’t listen I’m sure but at least you can make your side of things clear x

[Confused123]

HI

THis sounds like emotional abuse, he is draining and pressuirizing your child, i would call nspcc advice line and see how thery can guide u, my ex did this to my son too, he was under emmance pressure and stress out, thxfully in ened he broke the contact himself

[Serenity]

I had it written into the contact order that my ex shouldn’t discuss divorce issues with my youngest son.

I don’t know whether it’s had an effect. It’s hard to know what my ex is and isn’t saying, but at least it is written down that he shouldn’t be, and this might be useful if things get worse.

I try so hard not to discuss things with my kids, as my mum offloaded on to us kids so much. A few times I’ve failed because the situation warrants me stating my truth. That’s different from the constant, manipulative drip feed of lies from an abuser. If you feel this is happening, a warning from your solicitor might make him think twice.

[Grateful]

Thanks for all your advice ladies. I shall tell my solicitor and have called the help line too. I don’t think I would be strong enough to deal with all the draining abuse without this forum and everyone’s support and kindness. Xx

[Author]

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