Is it abuse

[Pepperspray]

My grandad as been ill for a long time. Worse recently.
He’s hard work sometimes.
We have a big family live close7
He’ demand (detail removed by moderator) when he wanted it done, my partner found it exhausting. Working all day then been demanded to do something.
I told him, to say no or just not go through as much, but he kept going through all the time. Coming back complaining (grandad unwell, (detail removed by moderator)) He also had an habit of batching about one of us to the other and Try turn us against each other.
He did take a year off, to help, but didn’t get much at first. He said it was.covid that he left his job and to work with us. (Found out later, he (detail removed by moderator). He was a higher (detail removed by moderator) somewhere else, and got fired for (detail removed by moderator). Found out later he said he left because he was depressed.)
But in his year off. He makes out he did alot, but In reality he didn’t. I have a house half done
He’d bearly spend anytime on work, but (detail removed by moderator).
He was ment to quit when he got a another (detail removed by moderator) was a promise he didn’t keep.
In this time he was awful, if he ran out of cigarettes and money, it was.my fault, I was an awful person for not buying him some.
Because I had to be careful with money because at this point it was tight, so we could build a business up. And I had to feed the children. He’d yell constantly, saying awful things and wouldn’t stop until he got a cigarette, blamed me and say he’d stop me seeing my step daughter and take our daughter
He ended up back at work, because my grandad didn’t want him (detail removed by moderator). He got angry and went back to work.
But all kinda went OK for a while and money was good. Although we then seemed to never have any
Jump forward.
My grandad got worse and ended up I’m hospital,
Ihe was in a while, and got better and came out. I fought my family to get him back, I think they wanted him to go in a home.
In this month someone took alot every day out of my grandads account. It came to in the more then (detail removed by moderator)
I got the police onto it, and we found it was someone else at first. But the police came out and said they think it’s a male.
When my partner found this out.
He ran away and (detail removed by moderator).
He as been living (detail removed by moderator) since, and my family think it’s him who stole the money. But he blames them.
Since it happened, I found (detail removed by moderator) worth of debt in his name some from years before he decided not to pay.
(detail removed by moderator) in my name, I had no idea about. He asnt been paying it and its at the debt collectors.
Found out he’s been gambling
Found out the real reasons he lefts his jobs.
When I’d find anything out and ask him, he’d lie and then make something up, but when I’d tell him truth, he’d say its nothing to do with me. And blame me.
Months since its happened, and I’ve.been a single mum. Was even having my daughter on weekends. I’d arrange days us all to have days out.
He won’t come down to the house for long or.during day and especially not now.
He’d bath and put girls to bed, I’d facetime constantly.
I Bought all the girls clothes because both decided to grow in this time. Pay for a holiday and all the pocket money. Pay for must of the days out, food too.
He doesn’t get much money on sick pay, and it keeps getting extended.
I’ve wiped the girls tears because they miss daddy. And helped them get better, fed them mothered them.
All while dad just shows up for days out and goes home. Which I’ve been fine with, because he isn’t well and I’ve.seen him he can’t coup with them as he is. And on the meds.
Any way it all changed,when someone was angry at what happened to an old man. When he saw my ex. Near on his own. He had just dropped the girls off put them To bed, saying (detail removed by moderator).
He had a go and threatened him not to go to go near the house again.
He rang me and demanded I (detail removed by moderator). But I told him I couldn’t as I’m In the midle of it all, and they won’t listen and I’m not going in yelling at an old man.
He got angry, refused to take us out the next day. So luckily my mum said she could take us, it was paid for ,and the girls where so excited.
He refused to take us on holiday and now my step daughter can’t stay at mine. She asnt been able to for a bit.
I arranged for my mum to take us on holiday, he wasn’t happy at all. But when this happened we was a week away. Eventually he said he’d take us, but it was days later and arranged my mum to go. But it turned out she couldn’t book the weekend. So we went (detail removed by moderator)
And he came with my step daughter (detail removed by moderator)
I stayed at his sisters with both girls on the weekend. She was away.
So we could all be under the same roof.
But they smoke in the house, but when kids come they don’t and air the house out. But the house still stinks, had to wash my hair 3 times. And it was.awful its all I could smell

He let her come (detail removed by moderator). And her face when she got here. She use.to live here for (detail removed by moderator) every weekend.
But after we took her home. My daughter for no reason shouted daddy doesn’t let her come.
He went nuts, blamed me for twisting everything and said I’ll just explain the whole situation to a (detail removed by moderator). She wouldn’t understand
I explained I didn’t intend it like that, and I haven’t twisted her, she as been waking in the night crying, really heart broken
I’ve said you have to ask daddy and sorry daddy won’t let her.
So he as said no, she is never coming here
And I went nuts to.
I told him what I thought about everything
I did apologise
But he as now Decided she is never to come here. And he doesn’t want to speak to me again
He does it all the time when he doesn’t get his own way. Use to use her against me before too.
I’m walking on constant egg shells.
Because he keeps telling me, I’m not there for him and choosing my family and not him
He wants me to move.out.
He as no money, and keeps putting money on gambling. he is in debt and isn’t well. He can’t provide for us right now.
He wants me to move (detail removed by moderator) away with him.
When I explained this is our daughters home and as been our step daughters home and safely. He calls me selfish3.
He says I should be choosing him not my family.
I’m so exhausted, but I’ll lose my step daughter
He’s even threatened to take our daughter.
He’s constantly telling me it’s their fault, and I choosing them, not our family.
I’m not there for him. If I say anything, he goes off on one.
When it happened to nursery asked what had happened. Because our daughter wasn’t herself. I had to explain and we came up with a plan. To tell them who is picking her up and he couldn’t just pick her up
He found out and went mental, apparently I had no right. I explained it was for her safety and we didn’t mean anything by it.
Won’t listen
I haven’t a clue what to do. Because I’m just exhausted but I’m heart broken for my step daughter
She is one of my daughters.
I keep trying to explain she is safe here, and lock doors if he would prefer.
I’m trying to be their for our family I’m running myself into the ground.
I’ve got to the point I haven’t a clue if I’m the d**k or he is

[Pepperspray]

I do understand what’s he’s done. But I know what I’ve done if that makes sense.
I had post natual depression at one point and within that I lost someone close. So I had a bad time.
Still a good mum.
He helped alot with the baby, we’d have the baby half a night each because it didn’t sleep

I see the good. But when I read messages I can see how awful I was. Not awful awful if that makes sense. But when I think back to the whole situation.
I was retaliating, I’m very reserved, and when he’d yell at me. I didn’t yell back. I stutter and wouldn’t say anything. So I use to message him back if that makes sense.
But there isn’t any prove of what he did, it looks as though I’m the awful one. He is good at getting people to believe what he wants, and good at playing the victim

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