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Is it “Abuse” if he is Delusional due to recreational drug induced Psychosis or possible Schizophrenia? Is it classed as “Abuse” if he dosnt realise. I think he may either have CIP substance induced psychosis or has developed schizophrenia. I’ve been online trying to find out what is wrong with him, I’m after researching mental health behaviour on line… If he believes certain false things about me due to his delusional perceptions… and it causes him to constantly accuse and blame and ignore and mock and call me names and poke me hard in the arms demanding answers to his confusing paranoid delusional questions … is it classed as “Abuse”? It’s been (timeframe removed by Moderator) years of this now …the things he’s accused me of, he’s ignored me all this time unless he’s accusing me. it all seemed to escalate after our only child was born after years of miscarriages. I know he was stressed out about other stuff… stress seemed to trigger it all as well.
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I have been with him nearly (timeframe removed by Moderator) decades and he was a perfect gentleman before for (timeframe removed by Moderator) of these decades! Then he changed….That’s why I now think he must have developed some mental health issues. My question is… Is his behaviour towards me still classed as “Abuse” if he is mentally ill (perhaps due to his smoking that stuff) . Thank you
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Hi MKAMCCH,
This behaviour, making accusations, blaming you, using the silent treatment, mocking you, calling you names, assaulting you by poking you hard in the arms, all is abuse. False accusations, particularly around cheating, are really common in domestic abuse and would usually be about the abuser controlling their partner, rather than being a delusion.
Even if your partner is suffering from mental ill-health, his abusive behaviour is unacceptable and needs to be handled by him separately from his mental health. You describe a pattern of abusive behaviour that’s lasted decades but no mention of him seeking any support for his mental health. He’s an adult and it’s his responsibility to get help managing his health and behaviour, not doing so is abusive in itself.
Although abuse and mental illness can happen at the same time, mental illness does not cause abuse. There are many people who live with a mental health condition while being healthy and supportive partners. If your partner is not owning up to their actions, is not admitting to how much they’re hurting you, and is not seeking out professional help then that’s a sign that your partner isn’t willing to change. If that’s the case, then the abuse in the relationship tends to continue and escalate over time.
Even if your partner does have a mental illness, there is never an excuse for abuse. Abuse is a choice someone makes in order to maintain power and control over a partner. You are experiencing domestic abuse and you deserve to have support. You might find it helpful to use our Live Chat service to speak with a Women’s Aid worker about your situation and find out about your options for support. If you feel like you’d like some ongoing specialist support, you could reach out directly to your local domestic abuse service.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Hello
Welcome to this forum. I just wanted to add that I care for multiple people in my family with mental health problems and feel that I could walk away or call for help if they became aggressive with me.
My main perpetrator claimed for decades to have mental health problems, shouting at me for hours sometimes. But of course I didn’t feel able to step away from him. And I grew up in a home where shouting at me was the norm. Even now I’m a grown up and have left home my parents still belittle me and shout. People have also asked me if they are mentally ill.
I now know that as a carer or just an independent person, I have the right to do what’s best for me and I don’t have to stick around for people to be obnoxious with me. I can take a break and walk away. In an abusive situation this can be so hard to do as the other person wants power and control.
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We are together a long time since before the millennium. We were so in love, he was a lovely person,a true gentleman, sensitive, gentle spirited and so loving, we had a brilliant relationship. We were good for the first (number removed by Moderator) decades but then he completely changed especially after our only child was born (timeframe removed by Moderator). He ignored me at first..it turned into a permanent stone walling.. No eye contact.. then some cruel remarks, name calling and later delusional accusations and possible gaslighting trying to make me believe that I’m the crazy one…(or did/does he actually believe these things?). It all confused me so much… but I have almost figured out what’s going on now. His delusional thoughts were accusing me… I didn’t know what he was talking about,didn’t realise what was going on with him. I believe he’s ill. I’d asked him to get a mental health accessment etc and stop smoking C over and over. But he still didn’t /dosnt think he has a mental illness or CIP… But I’m guessing he has. I think he has some sort of delusional disorder /CIP or Schizophrenia. I am terrified it’s the latter.
I am getting it all sorted out soon hopefully. This is not the happy family I tried so hard to achieve. I tried so hard to have a baby for him, it was a struggle to become a mum, many miscarriages..then this all happens. It’s just not fair. I blame his illness on the extreme stress caused by his bully of a (relative removed by Moderator) and that C stuff he smokes (they smoke) . I hate that stuff so much… The very smell of it turns my stomach. It ruins families. Its too strong these days unlike the 1960s or early 90s…. it actually damages or changes the brain. I know his behaviour is not the real him…that’s why I am going to give him a chance. It’s his delusions that have accused and abused me… Yet he is the one who chooses to smoke it and so it is his fault. I told him to stop as it was messing with his brain, but he chooses not to… He just needs to see what he is doing to me/us . The real version of him would be horrified that he has done this to me and us as a family. He has zero respect for me at all right now… I used to feel embarrassed and guilty admitting all this but it’s the truth. I am currently getting a bit of counseling which i can’t really afford… I’m using my credit cards… I will pay the bill some day. And I have an appointment made to talk to a mental health doctor very soon to try get him help. Just scared things will escalate when he gets a few phone calls to come in for a check up. It will stress him and make him extremely Paranoid and trigger his delusional thoughts and accusations will start etc. It’s all so scary. I’m not feeling entirely safe… But I’ve no choice. If I had money I would have left years ago along with my little one. The stress.. I can’t explain… . Thank you for replying Lisa and everyone. Xx -
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Short answer, yes its still abuse.
My ex suffers with severe mental health problems including psychosis and yes I believe that the abusive behaviour is linked to this. When his mental health problems were well managed, (weekly visits from CPN, psychiatist involvement, regular effective medication) he was a lovely person for many years. Since being discharged back to GP things have deteriorated again. I have eventually just left with our child as I cant put them through it anymore. Its now escalated with police and Marac involvement. Its incredibly sad as Ive seen who he can be when his mental health is good and yes I love and care about him. But hes an adult, I need to protect my child as my priority.
Regarding the mental health its very hard to get help and support for someone even if they want it unfortunately and even harder if they don’t. Legally unless they are considered to be a risk to themselves or others they have to consent to any input from mental health services. Theres a big gap where soneone doesnt have insight into being unwell, but is not unwell enough to be sectioned and doesnt acknowledge they need help. The threshold for sectioning seems to be incredibly high too, my ex has been incredibly unwell, and highly delusional with florid psychosis e.g. truely believing I was an imposter, hearing voices, hallucinating and not met threshold for sectioning. I have been through this battle so many times over the years.
Ultimately hes not willing to make changes or seek help to improve the situation and you and your child are suffering because of it. I know how hard it is because I have been in denial until very recently.
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He actually thinks I am not his wife. Says I’m possessed by other people peoples spirits! Says I’m satan etc There is a biblical theme going on… he’s the son of a (profession removed by Moderator). I am Christian too BTW. Some would say that makes me delusional too :). But I am not accusing my spouse of actually being someone else /an imposter etc he justifies his bad treatment of me using bible names,rebuking quotes and themes. It’s enough to make one loose their faith… but not me… my roots are strong.. he can’t take that away from me.
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That sounds familiar, sounds like my experience of exs psychosis. In my case I called 111 when in a similar situation and their GP was helpful. I would get yourself and your child out of there first though, if he is delusional to this degree you could be at risk. Be prepared to call police if you feel unsafe, they can insist he gets mental health assessment if they feel he is a risk to himself or others.
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I have an appointment coming up now to talk about it. I have been living in extreme stress with him. I feel like a flat mate he hates. I sleep in (location removed by Moderator) and lock the door at night… We will probably end up splitting up especially if he refuses to get checked out by mental health experts. I have had enough…this is no way to live. He does not value or respect me never mind care for or love me. He has not addressed me as Mummy when talking to our child when referring to me. He says “Her” “She”… I asked him why he never addresses me as Mummy when talking to our daughter… he said “(quote removed by Moderator)“. This has all been so much to deal with and figure out. This week I hope to start to get the help. He will be furious with me… I have nowhere to go.
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