Is it abuse? I’m close to getting engaged pls help

[brokenheartedgirl1234]

Hi everyone, I’m a divorced woman as I was previously in an abusive relationship a few years ago.
I’ve tried to recover and met a boy from the internet
We don’t live in the same city and due to religious reasons we don’t meet up only if family is present so we don’t kiss or have an intimate relationship

So my bf has met my family he’s amazing and kind but I felt he cussed me the other day, I told him my sisters friend wanted to (detail removed by Moderator) and he was in disbelief he said why would she choose u and then he was like Does she think u look like (detail removed by Moderator) or something? I hung up and was extremely upset with him. I’ve been with him so long and we had so many disagreements he’s never said anything hurtful to me he’s always been extremely kind and considerate to me.

It’s been (detail removed by Moderator) months since I was with him he says I misunderstood and he said why wouldn’t she ask (detail removed by Moderator) or someone she knows. His words were hurtful but he said he doesn’t mean it.
He begged for me to forgive him and insisted that I took things the wrong way. Because my ex husband hated the way I looked I’m worried my new partner is doing this now we are almost engaged like now he got me he’s being rude am I wrong did I misunderstand?

Like I know I’m not (detail removed by Moderator) material but u don’t really want a guy ur with to not think ur attractive
I mean he always says he finds me attractive so I’m worried
What if he ends up being bad
I considered dumping him over this but this was the first ever time he’s said something like this and I’ve been with him for (detail removed by Moderator) months
Is it dumpworthy will this man be abusive to me in the future
Maybe I worry more becaue inexperienxed severe abuse

[Lisa]

Hi brokenheartedgirl,

Do trust your gut on this; it’s understandable that you are affected by his words if they were unkind. He doesn’t seem to be acknowledging that what he has said was wrong and a hurtful thing to say, but rather he seems to be making you feel you misunderstood him. So somehow, it is your fault or problem you feel this way.

Being in a relationship for matter of months is still a relatively new relationship where you are still learning about each other. Again, trust your instincts and just remember; you have every right to feel the way you do and take action as you feel is appropriate on this. He needs to be respectful of this and if he isn’t, this only serves as another ‘red flag’ regarding his behaviour.

Hopefully other women here will come soon and offer insight on this as well for you. Do keep posting to let us know how you are moving forward. If his behaviour changes and worries you, do make contact with your local domestic abuse service to get both emotional and practical support and advice.

Take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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