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    • #103745

      My family control everything in my life so much so they chose who who I was going to marry saying out of love they did it . I have asperger’s syndrome and personality disorder yet I dont get help from the professionals as they are not from the bme community . My husband doesn’t speak English but he psychologically abused me I dont know if that’s love or abuse hes corrve but he says to professionals he wants to protect me I have a baby with him and hes the visible parent my mum is so controlling she took the baby away from me and told lies to the social worker right in front of me this isn’t love this is abuse I know it and in the bme community no one talks about abuse they mask it as love and that they are caring for me they are not .. so my topic is is it love or is it coerce control because they have messed up my mental health so bad that now I cant be with my baby I was diagnosed quite late for aspergers syndrome but I’m a high functioning aspergers yet professionals dont get the b.m.e domestic abuse culture and never understand my family and extended family believe its out of love they are helping me when its abuse I know it I wish only professionals could see it without their rose tinted glasses. My mum is so sick and sadistic it’s sad and hurtful to me that she ruined my life and now has my baby my marriage is in shambles due to her and family I use to get beaten hit slapped yet professionals look at me as the aggressor yet I had no escape I over dosed and my husband is my first cousin which is indeed not a good situation I feel torn conflicted yet professionals turn a blind eye cos they dont want to be culture offended what’s being offended if its emotional abuse and historic abuse happen to and physiological abuse which is now messed up your whole life and now your son is in the system because ur parents and husband and family dont support you and try to make out ur the mental one anyone else experienced this in mental health and social services and un the bme community. Is so Give me advice thanks

    • #103752

      Hello and welcome, I sorry you have endured such terrible abuse. There are specialist BME domestic abuse services available and I’d urge you to speak to them and contact the domestic abuse police for advice. They will often have access to these services for you. Nobody should ever take your baby. That’s such a wicked thing to do. Have you considered going into a women’s refuge with your baby if you can access it? Ring the national domestic abuse helpline, they’re open 24/7. There’s also an online chat facility on here. Or find your local women’s aid. Abuse is insidious and confusing and takes time to work out what’s happening and yes it takes a terrible toll on our mental health. Does your GP understand what’s happened? Can you speak to them. None of this is your fault, including having to marry your first cousin. Sometimes people we know for five minutes have better intentions that people we have known our whole lives. Women’s aid can give you the language you need to articulate to the authorities. Read Living With The Dominator by Pat Craven and Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Healing from Hidden Abuse is also a good book. Learn all you can about the dynamics of abuse. Knowledge is Power x

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