Is it because of me?

[Raspberry123]

I’m new to this forum and since reading a lot of the posts I feel that I relate to different aspects in many different posts. However I sometimes feel am I crazy or that it can’t be because it’s not as bad as others.

My boyfriend and I have been together for (detail removed by Moderator) and I’ll admit that I did my part in how our relationship is. I lied to him about my past at the beginning of our relationship because I was ashamed and embarrassed of my mistakes or simply forgot. However since I’ve told him everything and anything about my past in great detail. I suffer with (detail removed by Moderator) and have a (detail removed by Moderator) so this doesn’t help at all. And because my boyfriend tells me that I have to tell him my dreams and thoughts this fuels my (detail removed by Moderator) even though I’ve told him it helps me not to act on my compulsion he says that telling him makes him feel better.

I’m constantly trying to please him and every action or thought I have or do is to try and figure out how I can best make him happy or please him by what I do. But I find that everything I do is wrong or not right. I can’t do anything without there being a problem. And there are so many things I abide by because I want to make him feel comfortable and he says that I owe it to him which I guess I do because of how I was at the beginning. But I’m getting to a breaking point. (detail removed by Moderator). I’m constantly getting called rude names or being insulted when he’s angry. He isn’t physical with me has been pushy and yells in my face.

But I think maybe it’s just what I deserve because of my (detail removed by Moderator) and how I lied at the start. I feel that he’s this angry and skeptical because of me and what I’ve done. And he says that it’s one sided and he always does everything for me and to make me happy but I don’t do anything. Yet it feels like I’m killing myself to please him.

I have no friends really, and I feel so alone. But when we have good times it feels really good and I feel that this can change and get better but then I prove myself wrong because we can’t even go a day without an argument or because I’ve f****d up or made a mistake

[charmed]

Hi raspberry123 you ask is it because of me, I say no definitely not. you lied about your past okay, but you have told the truth and that must have been really hard for you because it was not by the sounds of it a happy time you wanted to remember. He is now using this against you, you were honest with him everyone has a past story hun even him.I think he’s using your (detail removed by Moderator) against you too, you have told him it helps you not to act on it but it’s like he doesn’t care as long as he gets his info. You are trying so hard to do anything and everything to please him but you’re never right that is exhausting I’ve been there ( well still am if I’m honest) I personally don’t think you owe him anything in my view you haven’t done anything wrong!
I really feel for you (detail removed by Moderator)? Sweetheart can it be any worse. Try not to blame yourself we are all here for some kind of help just to be listened to. If you can try the online chat on here you won’t be judged I promise.sorry for the long reply I just really feel you need to know that it’s not your fault.take care hun and your welcome to pm me if that would help
And always remember you do not deserve this xx

[Raspberry123]

Hey, thank you for your reply. I’ve PM’d you

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