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    • #8846

      Just wanted to ask. Is it common to for perpetrators to be paranoid?

      I can’t write too many specifics here as it might be too identifying but he has made disclosure on several occasions that he has paranoid thoughts. Looking back on the relationship he was always accusing me of doing things and seeing me as being hostile to him when I was doing nothing at all. This justified his hostility, abuse and violence to me in his head. I got a Non -Mol after a bad assault and then he was making paranoid statements about what he believed I was doing. This has continued since we split though one avenue or another. He is also doing a perpetrators course and the report from that is a frightening insight into his mind. It is like the fantasy/reality line is blurred. Sometimes I do not know if he is lying or if he really believes what he is saying. There have been many times that I have been convinced he believes what he is saying. His abuse was always very psychological.

      The reason why I am asking this is that if he is ill and is paranoid then I think I am less safe than if it is domestic violence pure and simple. I know abusers lie, i know they project , I know they switch from Jekyll to Hyde etc but there is a real unhinged quality to his stuff. If he is trying to be controlling then some of the stuff he says is not plausible and is self contradictory. It does not seem to be well planed and excuted in terms of control it is more random to what ever bee is in his bonnet at the time, his thoughts and his behaviour seem to be very chaotic.He has been diagnosed with Depression and anxiety at times but i think this was to make an excuse for the violence. I think there might be something much more seriously wrong and i am quite worried about my safety and my daughter. He is still working and people seem not to pick up on it, he hides it well but its obvious to me and it terrifies me.

      Anyone got any thoughts? Advice? similar experiences. I can keep way but it matters as my daughter may have to have contact with him and I feel very fearful for her safety.

    • #8850
      Twisted Sister

      i am sorry about your experiences, it sounds very scarey and all i would say is that you know him best of all!

      Trust your own instincts as noone can know better than you, and its enough that you fear greater potential issues and its important that you take heed to it, and yo have your daughter to protect too. ks xx

    • #8851

      I have a mental illness. When I’m really not well, I lose touch with reality. This is rare for me and never last longer than 24 hours. I have emotionally unstable personality disorder.

      If most people with mentally illness are harmless to other people.

      However, some people are prone to losing complete control and losing touch reality on a regular basis.

      If you are really scared, of this (he might be having paranoid delusions), my suggestion is to notify social services on the basis of the report. They will arrange for a psychological and psychiatric evaluation of him to safeguard your child.

      My only advice is if you think he is a psychopathic, run and hide.

      He might be paranoid schizophrenic or another paranoia disorder. I get paranoid due to my illness but 95% of the time I’m lucid rational and realistic. It can all be treated with medication and therapeutic skills and techniques so if he gets treated that will take care of any paranoia or delusions or hallucinations.

      Only thing true abusers are hard to cure along with psychopaths. Those are the most dangerous to all people.

      Trust your gut instinct and stay away and keep your child away until you know what you are dealing with.

    • #8911

      Thanks SaharaD for your incite. I must make it clear that my worries are paranoia on top of domestic violence. As I know most people with mental illness are not any sort of threat to others. There was always a paranoid quality to his abuse but sometimes I am sure he knew what he was doing and it was part of his control and others he really looked like he believed the rubbish he was spouting.
      In one of the episodes he said he thought he had a Borderline Personality Disorder, but he refused to go to the doctor to discuss his paranoid thoughts. When I read about it online it seemed to describe him to a tee! If he was diagnosed and got treatment – it would give us a way forward in relation to child contact etc but I can’t see that ever happening. I think he has a streak of Narcism within what ever he has as he has delusions of grandure too.

      I just feel bit like a sitting duck waiting for him to do something else. He is afraid of loosing his job or going to prison and that is a restraining factor but if he has a paranoid episode then there is no saying what he might do. I am spooked but perhaps thats what he wants? to Scare me? He has managed to hold down a job etc if he was mentally ill it he might not be able to do that. At the moment his animosity is being channelled into spreading rumours and lies to anyone who will listen and through court. But when this is over he will need to find another channel.

      I just feel vulnerable

      I think Karma Sister is right, I need to heed my instincts and look for ways to reduce my vulnerability.

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