Is it cruel to just take my children and leave my abusive husband?

[MilkyWaterfall]

My friends have been planning to help me leave my abusive husband for 3 weeks now. But I’m starting to have second thoughts about it as I’m starting to think it might be cruel to just take my children and leave. Is it cruel to them to do this?

[Anonymous]

What’s cruel is how he’s been treating you. And now you’re in a postion where you have to do what you have to do to protect the children and yourself. Good luck with it allxx

[MilkyWaterfall]

Thank you. I’m worried about how everything has already affected my children.

[Anonymous]

Once you get to your safe place you can organise some support for your children, but the best thing for them now is to leave this environment. They have you with them and I’m sure in the future they will fully respect and understand why you had to go xx

[Better-days]

I am feeling the exact same. Hurting my son just seems something I can’t do so I feel trapped. I hope you are ok and have sorted it our sending hugs 🤗

[fizzylem]

Call the NSPCC and ask for advice re how best to manage the sudden change; a transition period is always best for children so it will be a shock to them, but there are things you can do to help them through it; if this is managed well they can grow in confidence and resiliance; children have the capacity to adapt well, when their needs are met. Unfortunately, staying isn’t an option, especially if you are already concerend that this is impacting on them. You are absolutely doing the best thing for them by removing them from this situation.

[KIP.]

Please contact you local women’s aid for support with this. Leaving is the most dangerous time for women but taking your children away from an abuser is the best gift you could ever give them. Abusers don’t care about their children and they are much more likely statistically to be abused as an adult if they’ve experienced abuse as a child. They normalise abuse and it’s upto you as the healthy parent to make sure they know that abuse is never acceptable. No matter who dishes it out. It’s also child abuse now for children to witness abuse. No good father abuses a mother. When he does he takes away a happy healthy mum. Be your children’s role model. Show them you are strong enough to protect them from a toxic bully. Mae sure you have legal advice and an access order in place as this is where the abuser will Use them even more for control. Again showing just how little he cares for them. Leave. Leave safely and work on zero contact. Contact only through a third party x

[Anonymous]

Don’t forget you’ve been in an abuse cycle for years – programmed to feel sorry for your abuser as well as afraid.

Just try to imagine what you want life to feel like and keep moving forward.

Be strong, expect a wobble but try to ride it out and each day you’ll be clearer – then you will be proud of putting your kids first.

X

[Author]

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