Is it emotional abuse ?

[Appletreeblossom]

Hi I am new here and just trying to find my way through things right now.

I have experienced over the last few months many instances of what could be described as ? emotional abuse , but I’m not sure. It is so variable and not all the time.

The background is that my husband drinks , a fair bit and every night ( but wont take any responsibility for this ) My husband says belittling statements, has called me nasty names ( that my son with LD repeats and calls me ) . When I try to talk about day to day things , I’m told I am “moaning “. I am every night told that I am p*****g him off. If I try to talk , I get ignored , or start a conversation he turns his back to me . I’m told to shut up.

I have tried quietly stating that how things are said in the household is making me sad and affecting the kids as they are hearing this non acceptable interactions . If I raise wanting to improve things, I’m told that its all my doing and that I am moaning .

Just don’t know what to do as I’m tired of this. The outside world does not see this interaction . My Husband is a solitary person , he does work as do I . This is really starting to affect me as I’m just blamed and can’t get through to trying to improve things or get any recognition that this is not right /ok

My son is now saying that I am always upsetting his dad , as he loses his temper and tells me to F off . I was only trying to feedback about appointments that my son has . I get blamed for ruining his mood /night

But its not all the time. Just not sure what is acceptable and how to move forwards . I worry my husband will manipulate my kids against me, which is what he does in conversation . When my son calls me the b word  my husband purposefully I feel does not interject to correct .

I dont know what to do, stay with and try to even out things. I’m not leaving my kids, but have no finances to start again.

[Lisa]

Hi Appletreeblossom,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. What you’ve described is emotional abuse and I’m so sorry that your husband is treating you in this completely unacceptable way. It is usual in abuse that the nastiness won’t be all the time, and that’s really confusing but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t abuse. The blame being put on you is also a common feature of abuse. None of this is your fault. He is an adult and he is choosing to treat you in this way. It must be so hard that your child is picking up and copying the behaviour and, as you’ve pointed out, it’s not okay that he’s subjecting your children to witnessing the abuse. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you need any guidance on using the forum you can find this in the Forum Guidelines and FAQs. If they don’t answer your question then please feel free to message me.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
(Forum Moderator)

[Appletreeblossom]

Thank you , that does really help to help me to start to trust what I am experiencing , although i doubt myself a lot .

 

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