Is it him?

[Starshipxo]

I have been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) and we have a child together. When we first got together things were amazing, slowly as times gone on all the amazing things have fizzled out. He has these moods, he goes all quiet and doesn’t really talk. He usually calls me a pet name but when he is in these moods there is absolutely no affection from him. They can last a few days. I try and ask if there is a problem and I get a straight up no. He is fine, he isn’t being any different than normal. Aside from this we split the bills, I pay the rent he pays the “bills” so there is no money issues. We have children outside the relationship, he tells me (detail removed by moderator).

I was previously in an emotionally abusive relationship and this feels very different from that but is it still that? I can’t believe I would fall into one again without seeing it?!?! It’s impossible to fit everything in here about our history but it’s mainly the silent moods. The more they happen the more I’m struggling to deal with them. He tells me (detail removed by moderator).

Am I the problem? Am I reading too much into his moods???

Thank you x

[KIP.]

It’s not his moods it’s his reaction to your trying to have an adult reasonable conversation about them. His comment about you should leave him is emotional abuse. He’s trying to shut down your conversation and concerns with abuse, this is how he manipulates you into not going to topics he doesn’t want you to. Abusers can start with love bombing until they hook us in. So all those amazing things were just an act, now you’re seeing the real him. Google the cycle of abuse. He knows the silent moods are affecting you and that’s why he’s doing it. It’s deliberate. There are so many ways an abuser can abuse. They don’t all use the same tactics. Having your feelings invalidated is incredibly destructive to your mental health.

[Eggshells]

Hmm. To be honest, as I read your post I was abit unsure. Then I read the sentence “if it’s affecting me that much I should leave him”. I agree, you should leave him. With me it was a gut instinct, probably like it’s a gut instinct with you.

KIP has picked it apart and explained the gut instinct.

I’ve learnt so much from this forum. Listening to the ladies on the forum is one of the things I’ve learnt. They know what they are talking about.

The question of whether or not it’s abuse (and there arecred flags) shouldn’t really affect your decision of stay or go. If it doesn’t feel right, go. Life is too short to spend time with people who don’t make you strong.

[Bananaboat]

I was going to say the same as Eggshells, whatever the reason for his silence which could range from depression, substance abuse, abuse or many other things the fact is you don’t feel comfortable with this man and that my dear is your gut instinct kicking in. Your happiness needs to come first to you so if his behaviour is impacting that’s the issue.

[Author]

Posts