Is it me

[WIML]

I have been unhappy for a long time and I didn’t know why. I’m starting to think maybe it was because my husband was maybe abusive, emionally coercive. He blows up about the smallest of things and make me feel like I had done something terrible.
Eg, someone had moved his (detail removed by Moderator) and neither me or the kids could remember moving it, he went so mad saying that’s his (detail removed by Moderator) no one should ever move it, and someone is lying! Making us all doubt ourselves and feel like we’d done something so bad.
Another example would be I had had a (detail removed by Moderator) photo taken and I started laughing at it because I looked silly, and my husband said oh let’s have a look, so I handed it him. My eldest child said let me look daddy, so he passed it to her. 5 mins or so later I forgot he’s passed it to her and I said to him can I have my picture back and he said I haven’t had it, why are you accusing me of losing your picture and my daughter said it’s here daddy you gave it to me and I said oh yeah that’s right sorry and he went off again saying why are you all accusing me of lying I didn’t have it!
Recently I left him,(still living together due to various reasons, not that I want to) and one night he was driving me to work and he was going to a (detail removed by Moderator) with the kids for a drink etc. He casually said to me (detail removed by Moderator) and I said yes . And he started to say quite angrily that it was my fault that he hasn’t got a social life because I never want to do anything and I was so shocked that this came from no where so I pointed out that I’d just said that I would have gone. He started ranting like he does. When I got out of the car and got into work I just bust out crying. Later in the evening my eldest daughter txt me to say daddy was ranting about me saying I’m selfish I don’t care about anybody else but myself. Etc. He was also angry because I had been to the shop earlier in the day and bought some (detail removed by Moderator) that my boss likes (she’s female) and I bought myself a chocolate bar to eat at work. He started saying oh you didn’t buy me anything! That’s another one he likes to do if I go to the shop and buy myself a drink and don’t buy him one he makes me feel really bad.
He always questioned me about why I was shaving my bikini line, or why was I wearing a thong who am I trying to impress. I recently bought some (detail removed by Moderator) and he got mad saying why do I need (detail removed by Moderator) who am I trying yo impress and why am I trying to lose weight.
Like I said I told him I wanted to separate due to all of the reasons above plus more, and we’ve been living together temporarily, he’s still trying to emotionally abuse me i feel, he keeps telling me my reasons are not valid, there’s more to it I have another man! How could I do this take everything off of him him wife, home, kids and his life! (detail removed by Moderator) I thought was going to be ok, he semt ok, by then he out of the blue said (detail removed by Moderator) and I said yes. And he replied that (detail removed by Moderator). I said jokingly (detail removed by Moderator) and he went mad! Telling me it is his money when I’m living in his house etc. When I told him I don’t deserve this s**t he went back to the you did this to me. You took everything away from me, you tore the kids family apart etc..
He has been referred to anger management by a previous employer and he doesn’t just lose his temper with me. It’s embarrassing. A (detail removed by Moderator) ago he was speeding a little over the limit and we got stopped by the police and they issued a (detail removed by Moderator) fine. (detail removed by Moderator)!!! He went crazy at the poor police officer I was so embarrassed. Telling her she is corrupt he was going to take a picture of the speed limit sign because he was doing the limit and they’re making it up. I just apologised.
I just don’t know if it’s me, do I deserve this treatment because I split up with him, did I somehow deserve the treatment before in previous years. Is it me? Or is he abusive

[KIP.]

It’s not you he’s definitely abusive. Google gaslighting. Cognitive dissonance. The cycle of abuse. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven and contact your local women’s aid x

[Camel]

Hi WIML

It’s definitely not you. I think you should do everything possible to get your own place. You’re not separated while you’re under the same roof. As far as he’s concerned, nothing has changed. You used the words ‘I told him I wanted to separate.’ Which sounds a bit like asking permission. Permission that he’s withholding.

[Author]

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