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Hi all I’m new here and unsure I’m meant to be here,
I live with my partner and child,
I’m unsure if I’m being emotionally abused or I’m the abuser or we both are. So looking back I think I was love bombed he was open taking saying he loves me after a few weeks, saying we should have a child after (detail removed by moderator), when I did fall pregnant he told me he didn’t say that he stopped asking me out and started going on drinking sessions. I basically am and have been a single parent he just works and comes home on his phone, his a good dad when we’re arguing or for about two weeks after but then can’t be bothered. If there’s an issue I can’t bring it up I get told I’m dramatic and crazy or that it’s all his fault and I think I’m perfect, he goes out every weekend drinking with money we don’t have but again I’m a moaner and dramatic, if I don’t get over things straight away Im so over the top, he gets Angry shouts and calls me all the names, I can shout back but I know I’m not this person, now I’m just cold and numb and confused, (detail removed by moderator) I feel like is it me am I causing issues for no reason with out knowing am I the issue. He says I’m making him crazy like I tried to turn the tell over one night (we wasn’t talking at the time) but he was on his phone n I was bored he went mad at me I cried for ages he said I was changing it over to wind him up.. who things like that, I just don’t get it it’s mind games and I feel like I’m insane. But every time I leave he wins me back by being funny and my comfort zone, if it’s me I want to get help if it’s him I need help to leave I just don’t know. If I don’t get what he wants or do what he wants sometimes I get the silent treatment, his real selfish and I’m the opposite!
If he wrote a post about me I’m sure it would make me look bad so is it just normal relationship stuff or not? I find we’re both on eggshells and taking things personally.
Honestly I’m just so confused and I’ve been in limbo for year about leaving or not or never being able to fully do it, I just thought someone might be able to help. -
if it feels wrong then it probably is that’s what i say, you are unhappy and your partner appears to be the main cause of that, with no desire to change or make it better.
They make us feel like we are crazy, some days i actually am as i feel so broken,
do you have support around you that you can talk to especially with a little one ?
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Thank you for replying, I do have support but I also feel like my mental health is so low that I can’t handle my child on my own and that makes me revert back to my partner, I know something isn’t right but I also feel like a financial burden on my family if I leave, I agree I am crazy some of the days, I think that’s what makes us question it because we’re acting out of character, it’s just such a long process my heart after splitting up says just go back it’s easy! I feel like I can’t win
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But then in other days his perfect and things seem amazing, so am I dramatic and I just don’t see it maybe, I think I’m unhappy with a few aspects of my life so maybe I’m just trying to control the one I can eg the relationship n that’s why I want to leave if it get hard… I honestly can’t even work my own thoughts or feelings out!
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I know exactly how you feel. You feel like it’s a complete Jekyll and Hyde character and some days you have the perfect man you fell in love with and then it reverts back to the monster he becomes when he can’t control his emotions. Stay strong and it will get better.
I always thought it was me and my mental health but you need to get out of a situation that you know isn’t right and makes you unhappy.
Sending lots of happy vibes your way xx
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You’re describing/living the cycle of abuse. When you say you can’t cope with your child alone, I bet you already are and a lot of why you think you can’t cope is down to his negative words seeping into your head. Parents get tired but they don’t ‘lose interest’, or be good parents for a week or two (see the cycle of abuse) but abusive dads do. I imagine you’re doing it alone now but with the added man-child and all the stress & worry he brings, now imagine life without that – knowing you can turn the telly over, that you’ll have money for bills/food, you can relax. Little ones pick up on the tension more than we realise. You deserve more than this. There was a post earlier this week about red flags early on which might be good to read. xx
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You’re totally right, he is like a man child and I am doing it all alone anyway, I somewhat wish that it was a constant rather then a cycle because it would be earlier to see and leave, that is my worry what my child will see and think is normal eventually, thank you Il lol for that post now, I’m sure it will help too, thank you for reading and helping me!
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Ravenheart, no it isn’t you, you are not being dramatic and you are not crazy. You are living with an abusive, bullying partner… as Bananaboat has said… you are living the cycle if abuse (Google it).
Also, Living with the Dominater by Pat Craven is a helpful book at this stage).
Learn all you can about DA and cycles of abuse (FOG cycle is also very informative especially if you have a trauma bond).
Welcome to the forum, you are in the right place
❤️ HFH -
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Hey welcome.
3 kids and over 2 decades with mine and still here. No its not you they make us feel like it is like we cant cope without them whilst all the time we actually are already coping alone.
The niceness is to keep us here to make sure we dont leave and sadly it works but only if you let it.
If i could live my life again id have opened my eyes sooner id have found my voice i wouldnt have let me dissapear.
Use this forum to learn to see to grow in strength. Ask questions, read posts take advice given.
You and your child deserve more.
Stay safe xxxxx-
Thank you so much, I am really trying to learn all I can, thats exactly how I feel I’m doing it all but can’t cope with out it’s very hard to get my head around but I’m reading and have some book so I hope I can get the strength and energy to see and walk away, I also hope things work out for you as well all deserve to be happy! And you Xxxx
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