Is it me? I don’t understand

[Spongey]

Hello. So, I just need someone to tell me that it’s not me going crazy. I’m going to try and keep it short!
My wife and I split up, actually she wanted a divorce. When she told me she wanted one obviously i was upset and her first word was ‘ I didn’t think you’d be upset. I thought it would be easier than this ‘. Which really confused me, we’ve been together (detail removed by Moderator) years and have a daughter together. Of course I’m going to be upset! I offered couple counselling, absolutely everything you can think off, and she point blank said no she wasn’t interested. So I came to terms with that. Then I found out she actually had an affair and still is which really hurt. She’s isolated me from my family over the years, and friends.
Gas lighting has been a huge problem and over the last few days has gotten so much worse! Apparantly it’s all my fault, I’ve emotionally abused her for years, I’m making it uncomfortable being at home still for her and my daughter. ( my daughter is (detail removed by Moderator) ). I don’t have anywhere else to go and it’s been (detail removed by Moderator) weeks. We’re joint tenancy too! She’s blamed my mental health for everything, she’s told me I’ve been ill with my MH when I know I’ve been okay? I’m generally starting to believe I’m the problem. Maybe I have been horrible for years and not realised? She’s lied to me about money. And made me feel so small about myself that I don’t know how I’m ever going to bounce back from it.
Sorry it’s long and thank you.

[Camel]

It’s not you. She’s using all the tricks in the abuser’s handbook – saying you’re the abuser, minimising your feelings, cheating on you, lying about money, telling you that you have mental health issues.

OK, so she wants a divorce. So why does she expect you to move out? If she’s uncomfortable, she should go, you and your daughter should stay.

Find yourself a solicitor, preferably one who has experience of abusive relationships.

You don’t want a divorce, even though your marriage sounds awful. Can you reach out to WA to talk things through? You need people in your corner.

You’ll feel better once you take control of the situation.

[Spongey]

Hi camel.
Thank you for replying. It escalated quite a bit and I’m now out of the situation and safe. It’s been awful, and I’m hoping I can bounce back from what’s happened over the last week. I don’t understand how someone whose supposed to ‘ love ‘ you can damage someone so bad.

[Author]

Posts