This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 3 months ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #71039
     Distraught 
    Participant

    Today I sent him a message although we’re living together but splitting. It highlighted all of the abuse he’s put me through and why we need to split. I was starting to feel guilty so really just wanted him to say sorry, cuddle me and tell me let’s make a fresh start. However, he shouted and said why you raiking up the past. Your overthinking and it’s your friends putting things in your head. I said are you not even sorry for what you’ve put me through. He said no because I don’t think Iv done anything wrong. All I could think is did u not read the message and the insults you have called me plus everything else. Iv been feeling better and he’s already said he’s not rushing to leave as it’s his house also. What to do next. I can’t wait for him to go.

  • #71045
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi distraught, it’s okay my oh says similar, accuses me of not letting things lie, I’ve always to get the last word. He doesn’t hold grudges so why can’t I just let the past be the past. There comes a time that we’re just too tired to continue listening to them, being their doormat, verbal or physical. My strength is waning, I really just want to walk out and not look back.
    💕💕

  • #71047
     Apricotpoppy 
    Participant

    Hi Distraught, I really feel for you. Separated but living with your abuser is very difficult ! It’s not much point trying to reason or discuss as they don’t accept their actions. Best to save your precious energy to keep strong. Have you talked to WA and legal about your house?
    All the best
    Apricot poppy xx

  • #71130
     Doris 
    Participant

    Hi Distraught, I really empathise. I am at the same stage as you (emotionally drained) and my husband refuses to believe his behaviour can be defined as abusive. I think that’s what I find so disheartening. He truly believes that his behaviour is acceptable and that he is a misunderstood victim fully justified to express anger and criticism against me. It is emotionally draining and like you I wish he would just leave and although he constantly says he wants to divorce he never actually does anything about it. He is alternating at the moment between Mr Nice Guy and the stares, glares, silent treatment. Almost saying that he will be Mr Nice Guy if I just do as he says. And he will be Mr Nice Guy for perhaps a week, perhaps a month, but Mr Jekyll will always return eventually and I will crumble into an emotional wreck again. Like you I just don’t know where to turn and I think my second name should be Distraught;0) Sorry, if I am being a bit negative at the moment – at my wits end.

  • #71146
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi Doris/Distraught, just want to show both you some support too. We all have sh.t.y days when their behaviour is just too much, but we pick ourselves up and go through the motions don’t we. One day we’ll all be strong enough to leave, stick two fingers up after we’re out and absolutely have nothing to do with them. One day abusers won’t be allowed any contact with their children unless supervised at all times. One day, being abusive will be picked up on and nipped in the bud quicker than you can say NO MORE.
    💕💕

  • #71173
     KIP. 
    Participant

    You can not negotiate with an abuser. Neither can you get closure from them. Seeking validation from them is never going to allow you to gain your confidence back. He’s going nowhere so it’s up to you to leave or get a non molestation order or occupation order and have him removed. It’s also a dangerous time for you. What you crave is the cycle of abuse that you are stuck in, the honeymoon period that always made everything right. That’s just temporary as we all know the cycle goes round and round until we break free.

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