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Last week I’d arranged to go out on a double date with my partner and friends. He had been up all night and was still asleep at 5.30pm. I went in the bedroom to wake him up so that he had time to get ready (detail removed by moderator)but he instantly got very angry and refused to get up. I was very tired myself, having been at work all day, so I lay beside him on the bed scrolling on my phone. (detail removed)he starts to shove me hard out of the bed, kicking me in the stomach with his feet.(detail removed by moderator) I land on the floor, taking the duvet with me, and just sit there, in shock. I begin to cry, and he loses his temper again. He grabs me by the wrist and yanks me off the floor to get the duvet back, and then tells me he doesn’t understand how I am hurt (detail removed). Whatever he did really hurt my shoulder and neck, and I have scratches on my wrist and stomach. Eventually he gets up and showers, but by then I had cancelled going out as I wasn’t feeling up to it. He shouts at me for “throwing a tantrum and cancelling our plans” (detail removed by moderator)
I tried to break up with him and it was just ignored.
(detail removed by moderator) and because he earns so much more than I do. We both work the same amount of hours a week, but whilst he gets 4 days off, I work 7 day stints and am still expected to cook, clean, and do the shopping. His job is very physically demanding, but mine is also really really hard sometimes. Is it my fault that he’s lashing out at me? I feel worthless. -
It is not your fault. the job thing – I get this at home too. The complete avoidance and ignoring the break up – check. Mine even tried to fling the mattress off the bed with me still on it once!
Everything you’ve said up there is sinister, to me reading it from the outside, and I would suggest you get some support around you. This is not your fault xx
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Good evening babybudgies,
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. It’s so good that you’ve joined the forum and are reaching out for support with the situation.
No, what is happening is not your fault. It is so common for abusers to reflect responsibility, often blaming everything but themselves for their abusive behaviour, quite often women begin to believe that they must be in some way responsible for the abuse. It can leave you feeling very confused and doubting your own memory of events.
It sounds as if his feelings are the priority in the relationship and you are having to walk on eggshells or change your behaviour to suit him or to avoid an outburst. These are common signs of living with an abuser.
If you feel like you’d like to talk in more detail about things, you can contact a support worker via our live chat: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
You could also contact a domestic abuse service in your area for some ongoing practical and emotional support. You can find your local service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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