Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #147852
      Ariel
      Participant

      So he said that collegues perve over women while they are at work but he assured me that he just glances and doesn’t perve.
      When we are out he constantly looks at other women. Like when we are in the car at women on the side walking and looks at other women in their cars driving.
      Is this normal man behaviour.
      He says everyone looks even women it’s just women aren’t as obvious. I feel really upset by it that he’s so open to admit that he looks at other women.
      I don’t even feel like booking a holiday as he’s going to be turning his head all the time. Ugh am I sensitive? Please tell me.

    • #147867
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Look at it another way – you’ve told him a certain behaviour is upsetting you and his reaction is to dismiss your feelings and tell you you’re wrong for feeling that way. Red flag lovely.

      I think with anything like this there’s a gradient – do you look at people when out and about? Yeah I do but in the same way I look at the trees around me or notice a car before I cross the road, think that’s a nice dog, or I like that lady’s dress. It’s in my peripheral vision, I’m not ‘ogling’ them. For example, I might notice the lady’s dress and think that’s pretty, or I wouldn’t wear that but it’s generally to myself and not to make anyone I’m with feel bad or under-minded. My ex used to comment on every woman and put anyone slightly overweight down then do the backhanded compliment just enough for my brain to go ‘best not look like her’. If he’s liking your reaction or at least isn’t trying to reassure you then it’s another bad sign.

      On the other extreme, he’s never going to be able to not look at or talk to another woman, and expecting that would be wrong on your part.

      It sounds like he’s making you feel uncomfortable, doesn’t care that you’re upset, isn’t going to change and you’re going to alter your plans (the holiday) as a result. Your gut is telling you your boundaries are being crossed here xx

    • #147899
      Mellow
      Participant

      It’s not good in my eyes it’s disrespectful !my ex did it when it was only just over he had already started gawking and making it more obvious I had in my mind cause I ended it he was scouting his next victim so be careful he did this in my face but I honestly think he forgot I was there !and did it unconsciously for a minute .my ex regularly looked on social media to and made it known .beware they do it to trigger you so if you do notice and your planning to leave eventually just don’t show any emotion towards it.though it is bad in my eyes .apparently men do it and they do I’ve witnessed it but what you have said about a paper that is very normal in work places.but I think the post is not talking about newspaper so yes it’s disrespectful to gawk at co workers.my ex would show me people on media and it really hurt me I had to hold back my emotions I feel now I look back he wanted to upset me now I think about it it sickens me why would you want your partner upset like that?that’s what he’s doing he’s trying to hurt you and get a reaction it’s sick really and that’s why it’s emotional abuse because that is making you upset and question it .you are questioning your feelings about what he’s doing wether right or wrong and it’s wrong he shouldn’t be obviously gawking and dint confront him he will say your jelous and paranoid maybe crazy it’s abuse . I know this cause similar has happened to me at the time I felt my gut wrenching holding back but I was sick to my stomach especially the social media now I think about it why would you want to upset someone you live by showing interest in another woman when you are there giving so much love .they are sick.i would only glance but never make it obvious

    • #147981
      Auriel
      Participant

      Ariel he didn’t even need to tell you about his workmates its just gonna knock your confidence, he’s trying to justify what he does by making you believe what he does is better than his workmates and trying to get you used to a certain action that is hurting you and affecting your self esteem, yeah men look at women and women look at men but for him to be doing it constantly is an issue and if he’s aware it’s hurting you then it’s also an issue, the fact he’s continuing something that’s hurting you shows a lack of respect 🤗💝🤗

    • #147988
      Mellow
      Participant

      Also he’s even invalidating your feeling saying that everyone does it .to make it look as if what he’s doing is not that bad and your making a big deal about it.he does not care your upset about it.and we all know that’s not good practice for a working man and if he was caught doing it at work and a lady reported it their would be consequences because it’s also abuse of the co worker if he is flirting and it’s not reciprocated but he is saying he glances .but hun gawking at women in cars is hun looking for reactions of other women that’s not right fair enough you watch the road the key is to watch how he does it .is it intent and flirty does he wink and the likes flirty smile you know your partner I think you have come here for validation you already know what he’s doing is not right so no he’s disrespectful flirting openly and in your face by sound of it how are you today did you manage to resolve anything in regards to this issue ?

Viewing 4 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content