Is it normal to feel guilty about leaving

[Unicornsandrainbows]

I think I feel guilty for planning on leaving. It’s because of the kids. He’s told me if I’m leaving then I’m to go alone as I’m not taking his kids away from him. He doesn’t know my plan he just knows that I’m p****d off with him right now. And he’s pushing me further and further. But he keeps saying to me that I won’t leave because I love him. But the truth is I don’t anymore.

I’m scared also. Because I know when I do go he is going to go mental. Why do I feel guilty and I am worried too.

Is this normal

[KIP.]

Guilt is an abusers tool. It’s the FOG of abuse. The Fear Obligation and Guilt. You’ve been programmed and controlled by guilt. In reality you have nothing to feel guilty about. If he was a caring loving partner then you wouldn’t be leaving. Trust your gut x

[Unicornsandrainbows]

Wow has he really got into my head that much!!

I’m going to try get the wheels in motion tomo. I’m off to see health visitor I’m going to see if she can help in anyway

[Freedomfighter]

Perfectly normal, I’ve been feeling guilty for decades for wanting to leave mine. Getting my plans in place too. Huge guilt trip! But it’s how they all keep us there. They know we care, know we have love and fierce protective instincts towards our children. He probably guessed you don’t love him like you did, he’s just using your children to make sure you don’t leave. Stay strong and keep going with your plans carefully. We can do this just like all the other strong and wonderful survivors on this forum. Keep believing in the better life you and your children will have. Hugs

[Unicornsandrainbows]

I used to think women that were in DA Situations were stupid for not just walking out. How wrong am I. I never even thought I’d be in this situation because I was so strong headed. Now I’m just a big mess.

I’ve rang the helpline again. Left a voicemail. I just don’t know which way to turn. How to get out. Will the helpline help find me a refuge or do I need to go to my council?

Thankyou for your kind words x

[KIP.]

You can try to find your local women’s aid who will help with a refuge place. Mine also got me an appointment with the housing department as a priority which was great. Keep reaching out x keep trying the helpline number x

[Unicornsandrainbows]

I spoke to the helpline. And I’m not too happy. I feel like there’s no option for me. They said the only places for me and my children in. Refuge were over (detail removed by Moderator) miles away.

I haven’t got a car, I’d be more isolated there than I am here.

So what am I supposed to do?

[Ayanna]

Have a good think.
Which is the better option?
Living further away where he cannot find you and start afresh or remaining in the hell and being exposed to an ever increasing danger?

Even in remote places there is infrastructure in the UK.
You have a pub, shops, other women, medical facilities, schools, public transport,…

If you can, go there as soon as he is out of the house.
Let him come back to an empty home.

Keep posting xx

[Author]

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