Is it normal to feel guilty?

[WesternCloud]

I’m making a real effort to minimise contact with my ex. So far I am doing ok but he seems to be trying various tactics to make me feel rubbish. I am not displaying this to him but there is still a part of me that feels incredibly guilty. The abused voice in my head is crying out to message him and apologise (even though I haven’t done anything) and beg him not to be cross with me. Can anyone else relate? Is this normal? Will it pass with time?

[Serenity]

It’s normal for a good, kind person, yes.

That’s because you haven’t got the inbuilt sense of entitlement and lack
of conscience that perpetrators possess and which allows them to operate as they do.

Keep going. At some point, the clouds will separate so you can see him for the measley individual he is and you will reach the angry stage- which is very healthy!

[iwillbeok]

I still swing between the guilty (what could/should I have done differently to save the relationship) to the angry (how dare he treat me in such a degrading way)… different day different roller coaster!

Stay strong WesternCloud, we can do this! x

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

Iwillbeok I have the exactly the same feelings. Some special days I truly think s**t what have I done, I shouldn’t have gone to police etc then other days I hate him and want to see him suffer. Drives me mad it really does

[WesternCloud]

Its all part of the trauma bond. Read somewhere that the only bond as strong if not stronger than love is the bond of trauma. Its so true, the rational voice in me knows I have to do this but there is still such a strong need in me not to displease him, I have physically had to remove my phone from my space so that I dont send him a begging message, its what he wants. My silence will speak volumes but its still not easy to do!!!

[deathangel]

I only feel guilty about bringing my children into this mess. I wish I had got out sooner for them. I don’t think I love him or am attracted to him at all anymore, how could I be, he is so cruel? So no guilt towards the relationship being cruddy, just about the children.

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