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    • #161413
      Nefertiti
      Participant

      I am really surprised by how calm I am feeling; I have no idea where I will sleep on (detail removed by Moderator) when the friend I am currently staying with goes on holiday and it doesn’t bother me. I will ring the council again on Monday morning and I assume they will sort it out for me. I have no income and am dependent on the charity of my friends until I get Universal Credit but, again, I am not scared or concerned for the future. I know that at some point reality will kick in and it will be unpleasant but at the moment I am feeling detached from it all. Is this normal?

    • #161423
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      I think it’s very common, I’m no expert but have read things that say we did our crying & grieving before reaching the point of leaving – and boy have we all cried over these relationships. Also you’re very much in survival mode sorting everything out to leave so it may hit down the road. Watch out for the trauma bond tugging at the heart strings. Well done for leaving xx

    • #161432
      Dontlikehotweather
      Participant

      I would say it’s normal. I felt like this at first. I had a lot of things going on and it’s been (detail removed by Moderator) months now and it’s hit me really in the last two months. There’s no time limit for grief I suppose. Just take it as it comes.

    • #161433
      Nefertiti
      Participant

      Many thanks to you both.

    • #161445
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      I believe this is normal… sort of a disassociation to protect yourself before the next phase.

      I am in a similar boat… waiting on homelessness and have been for some months

      HFH ❤️

    • #161691
      Nefertiti
      Participant

      I just feel the need to vent…

      My husband has acknowledged that it took being arrested and spending time in a police cell for him to admit to himself that “we had a joint miscommunication problem”. So now, I am expected to just forgive and forget all the years I was told that the rows were solely my fault, without even an apology? Talk about too little too late.

      When the police enthusiastically agreed with him that couples counselling was the answer, (detail removed by moderator) And I am expected to just overlook that in my joy that he has finally accepted that it is an ‘us problem’?

      I am so angry right now.

      • #161723
        Bananaboat
        Participant

        I read something once on here that really stuck with me. It went along the lines of ‘in a ‘normal’ relationship either partner can express their opinion, they can disagree and most importantly they can choose to end the relationship. While the other partner may be hurt, angry and wish it wasn’t happening, they ultimately accept the other’s decision. But in abusive relationships we lose all of those, and no matter what we do we’re in the wrong’

        It is your choice – yours, whether you stay, accept or forgive. It is your truth, your feelings, your experience and the other person doesn’t have to agree but that doesn’t mean you have to change your view. Sadly people’s experiences with the police can vary a lot, and don’t forget these men are master manipulators but do you have to forgive and forget – absolutely not. it’s really hard to remember that xx

    • #161732
      Nefertiti
      Participant

      Thank you bananaboat, that quote expresses things perfectly. I was happy to agree to disagree, but he told me that I was wrong. I am now enjoying being single again and have no intention of going back.

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