Is it normal to miss them after leaving?

[FruitLoops]

I’m ashamed to admit I feel like I am grieving. I feel absolute sadness that the life I’ve left with the man I have loved is gone. He is the one person i want to talk to and the one person i cant. I know he was horrendously nasty and intimidating at times (hitting walls and doors etc) but I find myself questioning if he is really that bad inside when you get to see glimpses of the happy, romantic and affectionate person he could be. Kind to people and would help anyone out, when my anxiety was terrible he would be there for me (although I suspect he enjoyed feeling I ‘needed’ him and always was quick to point out all hed done for me in any argument).

I know at the moment he is broken and hes text my mum saying this, but when he finds out I’ve reported to the police that will all change I’m sure. And I am scared. But I still miss him. I would never go back, that isn’t even in question, but is this normal? To miss them? To question everything??? To start to think of all the good times and forget the bad? To think it may be you who is wrong and at fault??

Will this pain and sadness get easier?

FL 💔 x*x

[KIP.]

What you miss is the fake persona he put on to hook you in and keep you hooked in. That man doesn’t exist and never really did. The real person is a cunning selfish destructive dysfunctional abuser. It’s natural to grieve for the loss of a future we thought we could have. For that person we thought we knew and for the good times, of which I’m sure there were many, or else we would walk away. Grieving is a healing process and it’s painful but needed. Well done for reporting him, for holding him accountable for his actions. My ex made counter allegations then the abuse got worse, showing his true colours. Protect yourself from his behaviour. He will be actively trying to discredit you to anyone who will listen so when his abuse is exposed, he will already have put the spotlight on you and off him. Think of it this way. My ex used to push me off a high and frightening cliff. Then he would run down and rescue me. Crazing making behaviour that’s toxic and you’re better well away from that x

[FruitLoops]

Thankyou KIP you are as always right and very helpful. I’m struggling to believe his kindness and genuine tears was a fake persona. Maybe he wasnt aware of it? I know it sounds insane.

What happened when your ex made counter allegations? He got you in trouble? I’m terrified I’m going to be in trouble over his claims etc and how he can twist things xx

[JustKeepSinging]

FL I feel the same way a lot of the time especially at the moment.

I’m grieving deeply for the relationship I’ve lost. It’s so hard because you know they weren’t monsters all the time and whilst your logical mind knows this is the whole cycle of abuse thing your heart doesn’t!

Sending you a huge hug xx

[KIP.]

Hey, my ex made an arse of himself with his false allegations. I was questioned by the police but they saw right through his nonsense. These men are so predictable especially as the allegations come after they’ve been detained so it’s obviously malicious. Just stick to the truth. He has nothing On you. All hot air x

[Escapee]

Hi FL,

Yes, it’s absolutely normal and confusing.

I feel like two different people sometimes…..there’s the one that knows the sad truth and knows to move on, then there’s the one that thinks I imagined it all and there’s no way he could have done all that and knowingly hurt me. And that side of me misses him so much it hurts.

We just need to keep our heads together and remember all the horrible stuff; I scanned back over the years to find a time that was free of his behaviour…..I couldn’t find any, just years and years of hurt.

Sending you strength and love xxxx

[Author]

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