Is it possible he wants to leave me?

[gettingtired]

Hello, from what I can see most accounts I’ve read on here have been the women wanting to leave the men. However, in my experience it’s always him saying he wants to leave me.
I’m wondering if it’s possible he really does. We’ve been together over (detail removed by Moderator) years and we’re quite reliant on each other so I wonder if he’s just been too scared to end it but actually would be happier without me.
As I said despite his emotion abuse he’s actually always been the one who says he doesn’t want to be in the relationship/with me anymore. The most recent episode was he snapped at me about something small (we already hadn’t been getting on great) and started shouting how I’m always in a mood with him then demanded that we give our notice in for our private rental. I dont know if he actually did as he has often threatened that in the past. The problem is because he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me or hates our relationship it leaves me feeling rejected and awful so in the past I’ve usually begged for him not to or cried etc.

[KIP.]

He says this because he knows it will leave you feeling rejected and awful and he gets a power trip from seeing you beg. It’s the push and pull of domestic abuse. So he treats you cruelly, and you beg him and theN you feel grateful and bonded to him because he took you back. It’s the twisted mind game of an abuser. He’s going nowhere because he has you exactly where he wants you. If he does leave he’s probably got another woman/relationship lined up. These men are parasites and always need victims to suck the life from. Threatening to end the relationship is absolutely emotional abuse. Try talking to your local women’s aid and take a look at the book Living with the Dominator x abuse always gets worse x

[gettingtired]

Thanks again Kip for your reply. It’s just confusing because I sense that deep down he knows we are toxic together hence his insistence that we need to separate for both of our mental health but then he almost caves in each time and tries to resolve it by saying sorry or hugging me to ‘make up’. I see your point that it’s a power trip but I haven’t cried/begged like I used to for a long time now, in fact last time this happened I called his bluff and said ok when he insisted we end our rental etc.
He is always the one to apologise but then says I’m never the one to ‘sort’ things out or ‘patch’ things up and says (detail removed by moderator).
He has acute drug and alcohol abuse problems which is another reason I find the thought of leaving him so difficult because I lost a friend (detail removed by moderator) and it’s triggered this sense of dread in me. I know he’s not my responsibility but I cant help but feel this way.
Reading all the books I can atm to educate myself up x

[KIP.]

Hey, there’s a door and he knows how to use it. But he’s like a pig in muck. He stays and abuses because he enjoys it. There’s a cycle of abuse where he is cruel and then nice and round and round it goes and you get trapped in that cycle too. Have you had counselling? Staying with an abuser because of a sense of dread and because he has addictions isn’t a healthy reason. Perhaps some counselling around why you feel the need to stay in an abusive relationship would help and I’m not victim blaming because he chooses to behave this way towards you but you have to choose to walk away x it’s a long slow process but knowledge is power KIP x

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