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I am away (detail removed by Moderator) down the line, my nervous state is horrendous, It is all my own fault because I was unable to go no contact, I was worried about him, yes I know I’m stupid after all he put me through but I was! During those calls I had threats, niceness, vile n**********c manic rages, when that happened it was my instinct to just take it & afterwards have to ring until he was calm again. A practice I’d learnt I had to do over many years! I started to walk would speak to him on the phone it sounds crazy but then knew I was safe knew where he was away, so I was safe! No contact now & that has been hard, the silence of not being able to gage his mood! I am so scared of being scared all the time, everywhere I go everything I do & say. I wonder if his shadow will ever leave me.x
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