Viewing 11 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #14465
      Animallover
      Participant

      After reading what prisoner has been going through I feel that what he puts me through is that bad. He might stop me answering the phone or door and asks who I saw when walking the dogs and if was chatted up if I go to tesco but he has never physically hurt me.

    • #14477
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Mine is mix, was beating me, assaulted me , verbally abusive then he stop hitting me for good (detail removed by moderator)years only mentally, then suddenly switch again back to he was, mental and physically I just wondering and can’t fogive my self yet why I let it happen for so long when we never even married!!!

    • #14478
      Animallover
      Participant

      He is very crafty as I would imagine that most people he knows or works with think he’s lovely. When his mum rang the other day I was just dishing up my son’s dinner so said I would be just a minute. He was furious that I didn’t do what he wanted immediately, his mum would have understood that I didn’t want food to get cold. He shouted the house down and called me a t**t in front of my son and stepson. What I’m going to do if I have not been deferred from jury service which I probably won’t be. He’ll be impossible to live with. Can’t even acknowledge other drivers for moving aside as he gets jealous of that!

    • #14479
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      He is sound so controlling,
      My ex was the opposite, he was in the beginning and he did angry jealous for no reason but most of days he ignored me, like Iam not exist, he doesn’t spend time to chat, to tell how his days or anything that made me desperate his attention and he don’t care, he just ignore what ever I do or ask. That’s why sometime I ask my self it is my fault I am too desperate. He just sit back and don’t care.. Even when i said I’m going to leave him he will say you know where the door is only when I started packing he beg m not to go, and I stayed but he will ignore me again, it’s happening like a circle in my life for years. I’m so exhausted. I’m still confuse until now, not sure it’s really not my fault or it is.. 😭

    • #14485
      Animallover
      Participant

      I get ignored for days or he just says nasty things to me. I try to explain how I’m feeling but he tells me to shut it and that he doesn’t care about me or love me. I say I’m leaving and he says thank God for that and if I don’t go then he will knowing that I can’t pay for anything. He’s told his mum that I can’t leave as I have nowhere to go. Not sure how I stand as not married and house not in my name. After days of being horrible he then turns the other way and is loving again. doesn’t seem to realise how it affects me long term. I’m exhausted as don’t sleep well and haven’t for months. He was like this with all his other women and cheated on all of them too like he has me. It is helping that I’m not the only one and I can say these things to all of you without people thinking I’m crazy. He’s told me that I am mentally unstable cos most days I cry. Just want him to love me and stop hurting me

    • #14496

      Mine tells me I said I had a lover, he then repeats it a few days or weeks later. He told me recently he had a text that proved I had divulged I had ”a man on the side”, then he starts behaving like a perfect husband all over again…

      He has a go at one of our children, says inappropriate things to that child who hates him, and cannot wait to get away from home. The abuse is directed on that child when I am not around. He chases that child when the clocks goes past 5pm, knowing full well that revisions classes take place till late in college…

      Everything I say, he has to say the opposite. I think he hates my intelligence. So I get put down in subtle ways.

      I was told I needed to come back, and the minute I do I am messing up with my children’s mental health!!!!!

      And worst of all he told me he strangled me because he was drunk…You should be here to listen to the conversations that take place at home…It is unbelievable. I tend to walk away now.

    • #14500
      Animallover
      Participant

      Mine is also a great charmer as this is what got me in the first place. And he never says sorry for anything. Constantly asking me questions like do I love him, is he fat (he once was anorexic) does he look old, is he lazy, is he bad at his job, he can ask these over and over every day. I have to say I love him and no to everything else or he gets angry and moody. It really wears me down. His jealousy is so ridiculous that I laughed at a comedian last night on TV and he said I must fancy the man! I think I’ll give up watching TV at all as he always thinks I fancy any bloke on TV and won’t let it go. But he’s in charge of remote. If I watch something and he comes in he immediately changes the channel. Have no control of my life any more. Can’t even go to my son’s school to see him perform assemblies or parent night as there will be men there.

    • #14570
      Pineapple lumps
      Participant

      I don’t really know if I am supposed to write this here..I have looked at lots of other posts and all of you have shocking stories and mine doesn’t compare but I don’t really know where else to go for help. The only reason I am here is because (detail removed by Moderator) days ago my partner assaulted me when he was drunk.I have been with him just over (detail removed by Moderator) years now and we have been through a lot together in such a short space of time. I have a baby girl with him. My family live abrOad and when I was pregnant we moved so I could be close to them. He found the move harder than he thought so we moved back and the physical abuse has only happened in the few months we have been back and it is only when he is drunk. The first couple of times arguments started and both of us got slightly physical towards each other then he promised he wouldn’t drink anymore because that is what has caused it and then he went of to see his mate and didn’t come back all weekend, spent a lot of money that we don’t have. I was ready to leave him then but he came back and we spoke about it all and I decided to stay and everything was fine until the other day. He hadn’t gone for a drink since the weekend away and it was (detail removed by Moderator) so he went for a drink and to cut what is already a very long story a bit shorter he had passed out on the couch and I tried to wake him up and he started getting physicalost. I tried to stop him and then he pushed me over kicked me in the face and then I got up and smacked him and shouted at him which then made him go ballistic he started punching me (he had never used his fists on me before) and gouged my face pulled clumps of hair out I finally got away from him and called his mum for help I came back into the room to take my daughter away from him and then he threw a lot of stuff at me whilst I was holding her and not small stuff either. I got really scared then and called the police, when he heard what I was doing he took my phone and smashed it to prices and then proceeded to trash the place before he walked out. I never thought he would risk hurting our daughter like that and now he isn’t allowed anywhere near me for a (detail removed by Moderator) . Because it has only happened once where I felt scared and helpless and the fact it has only happened a few times when he is drinking I’m finding it really hard to leave him and reading what other people have said I am starting to wonder if he has been emotionally abused me as well ( I know he has sexually but I seem to find myself making excuses for that). Do I give him the chance to fix things and seek help and stop him from drinking again or do I just walk away now? I’m so confused and sorry for the long post I would greatly appreciate some help

      • #14578
        Starmoon
        Participant

        Pineapple lumps…. No no no- do not give him another chance. Call the help line here! Post here and take help where it is offered but never ever go back and animal lover- emotional abuse is still abuse! I’m a shell of a person because of the emotional abuse my ex has dished out over the years. It’s crazy making and so confusing. And j don’t know what the statistics are- but I bet it’s high on the odds that emotional eventually becomes physical. It was years before my ex laid a finger on me but he did it eventually all the same. I can understand the confusion and the thing is… For those who have no idea about abuse, they don’t seem to believe it unless they can see the bruises. We believe it thogh and I guarantee we will validate what ever you both tell us as abuse xx

    • #14580
      Serenity
      Participant

      Animal Lover,

      Don’t underestimate the severity of mental and emotional abuse.

      My ex was very much one for putting on a good public face when it benefitted him, so any physical violence with bruises would have been too telling.

      Far better for him to pretend he was joking when he hurt me, and to
      Slowly attempt to destroy me through psychological abuse.

      The effects are devastating.

    • #14589
      Animallover
      Participant

      Thank you serenity for your reply. I know what he is doing. He’s now back to being loving and says he’ll do anything to make me happy. Just waiting for the next thing to go wrong which will set him off again. Usually the weekend when he can drink all day. Notice that a lot of women have the same problem. If I ask him not to drink he says it relaxes him and he’s stressed and hates his job but doesn’t make an effort to find another.

    • #14600
      Serenity
      Participant

      Healthy Archive,

      What you said about them always taking the opposite view: mine did that! Even when it was glaringly obvious that I had a point and everyone else agreed with me!

      Towards the end of the marriage, I called him up on this. I asked him why he always felt the need to be devil’s advocate.

      I never really understood why he did this. Like you say, maybe he felt threatened by me having an opinion ( he wanted me to be submissive )and it was his way of trying to cut me down x

    • #14611
      Animallover
      Participant

      I’m not allowed my own opinions he tells me to stop going on and to zip it. If I try to talk he completely blanks me and will refuse to talk about anything emotional. Not sure he has much emotion. If I don’t agree with him I’m called stupid or asked if I’ve heard of logic

Viewing 11 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account