Is it that bad?

[IWillBeHappy]

Today I’m more on my own than I normally am and I’m finding myself wanting to see him. I want to see the man that makes me belly laugh and kisses me on the forehead when I need a cuddle. I want to update him on what’s been happening in mine and our child’s life.

The trouble is I know its so good when I go back to him. And is so tempting to unblock him and ask if he’s OK. I miss him.

I’m also worried when it comes to trying to arrange contact arrangements for our baby. This will make me vulnerable to his manipulation.

I need some strength, but where do you ladies find it when you need it?

[KIP.]

I find strength from remembering the most vile thing he did to me. How he took pleasure from my pain. How everything he did was for his own selfish reasons. How he destroyed the relationship I had with my child. And how he enjoyed every minute of it. He has shown you his true self, believe him. The tender man who rescued from the bottom of the cliff, was the same monster who pushed you off the cliff in the first place. I always remember that abusers only want to get near us to slap us again and not necessarily physically. Protect your child. You know the true character his father is x

[Yellowflower]

Kip your words there have really hit me too thank you you are so right the line the same man who rescued you from the bottom of the cliff is the same man who pushed you off it and his shown you his true self believe him. You really are so knowledgeable and help so many of us on here. Thank you from all of us x

[Fudgecake]

That’s good advice for all of us, KIP.

[fizzylem]

One of the saddest aspects I had to come to terms with, and it took me a while, was that neither of us would ever share the joy in our child again. When she was happy and doing things I used to think he’s missed this, she’s missed him being here and we cant share in this together as a family. Instead of contacting him I used to do nothing, I’d just think about it and process how I felt, until it passed. Eventually it passed completely, I am still reminded some times, when she does things but there is no more pain or sadness, more an acceptance of this is how it is, doesn’t mean we can’t make it great and enjoy it regardless – and we do.

I can see now though that she was my world when we were together and he actually found me talking about her to him pretty dull and boring after the first year – as this was all we had in common anymore this was all we talked about as well really. He was def done with this by this point – didn’t really share the joy anymore a while before he left – I strongly suspect this aspect has never even enter his head.

Hope you’re feeling a bit better today, it’s highs and lows for a while hey – just got to ride out the lows x

[Author]

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