Is it what so many have told me it is

[Sparklesunset]

Hello I am new here , new in the sense this is my first post and new in the sense that I am only just now coming to terms with my life as it is now and what has led me to be here . Together (detail removed by moderator) , 2 children . Unhappy and wanting out for at least (detail removed by moderator) . life started out good I was (detail removed by moderator) younger and liked the attention and live of a much older man a man who it would appeared out me
In the centre of everything , he usually has the final say where we went and what we did , always did the cooking , would host suprise (detail removed by moderator) dinners for me where my friends
Would come
Round etc. But when I look back now what I thought was a happy time
Was
Tainted with lots of not so nice times and complete controlling of me in so many ways. I still can’t quite believe I am the victim of domestic abuse and I use victim as I don’t feel like I have survived
It yet .
(Detail removed by moderator) together I asked
For a trial separation , for him to leave thw house and we see how that helped from
That point on however things only got worse , he signed up to (detail removed by moderator) dating sites within (detail removed by moderator) and said it was my fault (detail removed by moderator) . He bought and left sex toys in the house and when I found them and got upset he said I wasn’t allowed to talk about it (detail removed by moderator) . He has told me everything is my head and that I am not thinking clearly (detail removed by moderator) ( I was estranged from
My family aged (detail removed by moderator) due to sexual abuse)
I left (detail removed by moderator) weeks ago and have never felt so low in my life , he tells me
I am
Not allowed to message him unless via email and am
Not allowed to go to our jointly owned house as he doesn’t want me (detail removed by moderator)when he wrote this I was so upset as I have never ever once raised my voice to our children or him
In front
Of the children . When I first loved out he bought our eldest
Son a (detail removed by moderator) even though I had no internet and now has announced that he will taking the kids away on an expensive trip (detail removed by moderator) which has totally broken me and when I tell
Him this he states (detail removed by moderator). He has started
Trying to take over with any paperwork relating to children’s schools
Etc which he has never done and writes to me
Saying I am
(detail removed by moderator)
Looking for someone to reassure me
That I am not going mad and this snap shot of what life has been like is not ok ? Or maybe it is I don’t know . He makes me feel
Like if I were to stand up to him and try and keep the house that is half mine that he would get to me
In other ways through the children . Before I left he would message me from
Downstairs whilst I was in bed or message me from
(detail removed by moderator) to say how amazing I was as a mum to them, and also (detail removed by moderator). Now I have left I suppose I thought things would be better but it worse . He messages me
Conflicting things one minute being nice the next telling me that i am not thinking clearly and that it’s all
In my head . I don’t know how to deal with him anymore , he’s driving me mad so he can say I am , and it’s working

[Eggshells]

Hi Sparklesunset,

Welcome to the forum.

If you’re friends are telling you that this is abusive then I think they have a very good handle on things.

When relationships end the man will usually move out of the family home. I’ve cone across 2 exceptions to this unwritten rule. One is if the woman has been having an affair and has moved I with her new partner and the other is when the man is abusive. It’s often the first tell tale sign that the outside world gets that this is an abusive relationship.

You are correct that the texts he’s sending you are intended to drive you mad. Keep everything he has sent and block him so he can’t send any more. Block him from all of your social media too.

The sooner you can get legal advice, the better. There is no leg requirement for you to allow him access to your children at this point.

I can recommend a book called “Living with the Dominator” by Pat Craven. It’s very accessible and might be quite an eye opener for you.

Sorry I need to dash now but hope to see more of you as you go through this journey.

[Author]

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