Is it wrong to leave without saying anything

[Raindays]

I want to run away so badly,
Easier said that done with 6 children, but I can’t face telling him he has to go.
Last time I tried to make him lease he was being so possessive he cried and said he would change. So he hasn’t changed. Still no job I’m still scared to do anything or go anywhere on my own. Not even worth the hassle and the 3rd degree id get afterwards. Checking up on me and the rest!
I just can’t even stand been around him anymore even though he insists he is trying it’s not enough because he has destroyed me. I’m so unhappy I just do not want to be alive, and I do not have the strength to just go! Xmas is round the corner and I have these children to think off they come first but I can’t even pretend anymore with him.
I just wish he would go if would be so much easier 😫🤦‍♀️😔 if only I was stronger like other woman have the strength to leave. Why can’t I!

[Fudgecake]

Hello Raindays,
Firstly I would say that you are a very strong woman because you are living with an abuser who sounds very controlling and you’re trying to bring up six children on top of that. Well done to you for keeping the family unit going! It sounds like the only thing he contributes is stress and abuse.
I’m afraid he won’t go willingly it seems they never do. You will be feeling so tired of it all and right now it seems hopeless but there is a way forward. Don’t be hard on yourself for not be able to leave now. I can only speak for myself here but it took a very long (years) time for me to finally go. It’s not something that is done instantly unless ofc you or yours are in physical danger in which case I would advise leaving ASAP.
Firstly contact WA who will advise you what to do. They can point you in the right direction. Get all your important documents in one place so if you do need to leave quickly you can grab them. Use this time to save any money that you can. Don’t let him know your plans or arouse suspicion in him- easier said than done, I know but you can do it. Use the time now before you leave to plan. This time may be months or years. Don’t think we all just go straight away because we don’t. Please talk to WA, stay safe and stay strong as this situation you’re in can be Changed for the better.

[fizzylem]

Sounds like it’s going to be about getting him out if you have (removed by moderator) children; call WA and Rights for Women to find out what can be done legally. Surely if he has (removed by moderator) children he would want them to stay in their own home? Guess you need a risk assessment with WA? x

[Anonymous]

Hi

I have just left my abuser and it is so hard. I have a wonderful supportive sister and brother and I find myself wavering. This morning when I got up I took a nice long shower, I couldn’t do that with him there. He just used to walk in on me without apologies.

I just know that when I get over the other hurdles of this, I will be happy away from abuse.

Do you have any family that could help you?

[Raindays]

Hi
My sister is supportive but I don’t know how she could help I have 6 children so I would have to accommodate all of them and I couldn’t put onto anyone.
My family also live away from me, he made sure I didn’t have much contact with them 😔
It’s so close to Christmas but I’m so down and he makes nothing easy. X*x

[KIP.]

Contact your local women’s aid. They can help with housing. If you’re a victim of domestic abuse then the council have to rehome you. And if it’s a joint tenancy then he can have his name removed and told to leave. Women’s aid can look at refuge accommodation until something permanent is available. Support you emotionally, tell you what help is available. You can’t do this alone so take all the help offered. Gather a support network round you. You can repay them all when you’re safe.

[Author]

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